Truth or hype?

So many dating and lifestyle coaches blast you with the must-have dvd, cd, podcast, groundbreaking material... I get the emails of misleading or exaggerated claims.  So many lately, that my head is spinning.  I rank them right up there with penis enlargement ads.


They taunt you with new information you must buy to stay relevant.  They often misread cause and effect.  Recently I read about the success of a young American in Brazil attributed to a guru.  Any American guy that takes even a mediocre game overseas is going to get mobbed by foreign cuties.

Do you believe the hype?  Is your penis really going to get bigger by taking the magic pill?

Guess what?

Men and women have been around a long time... and whether you believe evolution or intelligent design, basic human nature hasn't changed that much in the past few thousand years.

Even if you disagree with the long time line, there is no secret that has been unlocked in the past four years that is going to be your silver bullet.  I have witnessed guys who have paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to re-tool them to do better with women.  I don't see the radical change.

There are some good books on conversational skills with women, but the better books are the ones that enhance your ability to interact with anyone.  Any "guru" that charges thousands for a weekend, but has had sex with less than a few handfuls of women, is taking you for a ride. 


Men have been succeeding with women for a long time with:

• confidence
• good social skills
• rules of engagement
• a plan of action.
  

Focus on improving these basic components.  Lots of gimmicks work in the short run, but let me ask you this:

Do you really want to be in your post 20's wearing eyeliner or dressing like a Las Vegas lounge act?  What happens when you are done banging a hundred chicks and have no network of friends from various walks of life?  What happens when you want to shift your focus to economic success or a long term familial relationship?  Will you find that you wasted too much time chasing tail and not enough time making yourself a better man?

Keep it simple soldier, don't buy the hype.


RHM

Strengthen your frame

A frame is a structural system that supports other components.

Your mental/emotional/psychological frame supports all your social interaction skills.  If you have a strong frame you will have strong interactions.  Strengthen your frame and your skills will follow.  Strengthen your frame and others will be attracted to you.

What can you do to strengthen your frame?

Build relationships with like-minded male friends

Get some good male friends with some of the following qualities:

• Voracious readers
• Seasoned travelers
• Active athletes
• Wise investors
• Social experts
• Interested listeners
• Fun compatriots

Not everyone needs to orbit around you daily or weekly.  Don’t just ditch people who bring you down, because you may be the one bringing them up. Just create a little more time and space between you and them.  Those would be people who are addicted, negative, possessive, depressed, socially un-calibrated, or bizarre. 

Develop your spirituality

It’s not all by happenstance… there’s more to life than you can touch, see, feel, hear, and taste.  Find a path and devote some time weekly to it.

Stop chasing women

Don’t go out of your way to interact with a woman.  Think more like a hot babe.  Consider yourself to be the prize she seeks.

Read, read, read… 

•  Don’t over-indulge on self-help books. 
• Don’t consume yourself blind with health/nutrition/fitness materials.  
• Don’t overdose on fiction.  
• Read real life biographies of successful men, adventurers, leaders, world-changers, and humble heroes.

Invest time in your hobbies

Travel, play recreational/social sports (not just gym time), making music, photography, writing… whatever it is, become better at it.

These things keep your focus on a well-rounded, full life and less on the over-abundance or lack of sex in your life.  Strengthen your frame and be surprised to find who you attract.

RHM

I want something from you…

Once upon a time in America, when someone came home from work, the store, or from picking the kids up from school… they parked (the one car the family owned) in their driveway or carport. Got out of the car and said hello and had a brief conversation with their neighbors and then went inside. If the phone rang, they answered it, eager to speak with the caller.

People belonged to civic clubs, people attended small churches, block parties were very common, and everybody knew their neighbors. Everyone showed up for the PTA spaghetti dinner.

Every kid knew every kid in a 3 block radius.

Then something changed… people became less concerned about interacting and more concerned with getting. The multimedia advertising revolution and our obsession with obtaining and protecting more stuff changed the way we looked at life.

Now, we drive our car payment into our gated neighborhood, pull into the garage, close the automatic door, and cocoon ourselves away from everyone. We like to be wrapped in our silk…500 cable channels of distraction, HDTV, surround sound, the internet 24/7, and our video gaming systems. Few of us have time for civic groups that give back. To meet our spiritual needs, we go to mega-churches and remain anonymous.

We open the junk mail (90% of what we get) over the wastebasket. All calls go to voice mail unless we like the caller’s ID. (We’re glad we signed up for the ‘no-call’ list.) We get the pop-ups just trying to weed through our junk email or navigate to our favorite websites. We turn on the TV and get the same ads that we heard in the car on the radio. The non-stop barrage tells us what we’re missing. They demand that we buy. The ad screams: “I want you to take action.” So we can have more stuff.

Call now, operators are standing by!

Don’t delay, supplies are running out!

Act fast, the sale ends tomorrow!

This new ______ is the best; get yours now!

Everybody wants something from us. Our careers want our precious time. The monster of materialism wants our precious money. We’ve been conditioned to be guarded. We are suspect of strangers, especially the ones with candy.

So a guy walks into a bar, eager to meet some new people. But those new people have been conditioned that everyone wants something from them. The guy walking into the bar, he himself the stranger, is conditioned. He’s heard it since he was 5 years old when McGruff the Crime Dog came to his kindergarten class and lectured his classmates. Every kid, now an adult in the bar, is conditioned: don’t talk to strangers.

So, he’s in the bar/club/lounge trying to meet people…

Hey, can I get your opinion?

What time do you have?

You’re hot, I can’t believe you expect me not to come over and say ‘hello’.

Do you guys come here often?

What are you drinking?

Do you know where ______ is?

_______fill in this blank with _________ (translation: I want something from you.)

We want: a laugh at our jokes, a warm response to our opener, her not to pull away when we claw, a hug, a smile, a kiss, you not to reject me, a free drink, the acceptance of your group, your time, your attention, your sex.

How about going out with the idea of not wanting anything from people? Give them a break, they are out trying to drink, socialize, party and take a break from everybody who wants something from them. They have a demanding boyfriend, girlfrend, husband, wife, kids, boss, room mate, or parent.

They may be there to celebrate a birthday/divorce/nuptials and just cut loose for awhile.

Be the Social Santa Claus with a big bag of good vibes. (They will want to sit on your lap later)

How about your group having fun and talking about what’s going on in your lives? This is what normal adults do: Let me tell you about my boss. You won’t believe what my cousin did. Let me tell you about the woman I met last night. Guess where I’m going next week. I got a promotion. I’m looking for a new job. I got a new dog. I shot a 90 at the golf course last Wednesday. I broke 25 minutes at the 5k. I’ve been hitting the gym hard. I’ve got this crazy client, you won’t believe this story.

You might need to get a life to talk about it.

Now a stranger walks by your group in the bar…

Hey what’s up? How’s it going? What’s the occasion? Where are your friends?

I’m great. Good times. Cheers. Have fun. Take care. Be well. We’re going here and there. We’re having a party.

They won’t be eager to walk away, and you may meet a new friend or lover.

Where was I at the beginning? Oh yeah…

I want something from you… on second thought, no I don’t.

I have what you want.

RHM

Maintaining Multiple Friends with Benefits...

Women enjoy sex as much men. Chisel that into the granite between your ears.


How does a guy maintain multiple friends with benefits?


One word.... F-R-A-M-E.


"I like your company, you like mine. I enjoy having sex with you. We can hang out when both of our schedules allow."



The tricky thing with FB's is that if you keep them long term they become a non-traditional girlfriend. I treat them nice but in a non-traditional way, meaning very few "dates."


They have an implicit understanding that there exist other women in your world. It's just not a good idea to go into details of who/what/where/when/how. And you certainly do not want to know who they are sleeping with besides you.


They will be watching your actions to see if you are communicating a deeper relationship. That's what many of them desire.



Here are my personal guidelines:


1) Phone communication/text message once weekly, maybe twice. Maintain space.

2) No gifts/romantic cards/notes/emails. If dinner, it's at her house. Maybe mine.

3) Relationship is of a sexual nature not a nurturing one, request for time = booty calls

4) Use compliments sparingly; especially in the heat of passion or the afterglow

5) Do not get emotional with them, only enough emotional push/pull that they know you have some iota of care for them

6) Henry Ford rule: always meet subordinates at their office, you can leave when you are finished (in case you missed that... meet at her house)

7) Twice a week with any one particular chick is the maximum. If you need more sex, go get another FB.

8 ) Limit overnight stays. Since it's a big emotional benchmark for a chick, staying overnight is usually too "boyfriend/girlfriend." Most guys do it to get the a.m. round of sex... try to maintain emotional space.



The whole relationship is a balance between: you using her and her using you. She will leave if/when a better deal comes along. Or you can let her fall by the wayside as you improve the quality of your rotation. A steady supply of sex will improve your bedroom skills, techniques, and stamina.


Now you have options, just like a hot babe...



RHM

Hey bro, what DO you want?

Worst line ever for guys, and you’d better never let it leave your lips:

Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) and Dorothy (Renee Zelwegger) watch the scene play out in the elevator between the deaf couple, he later repeats that sacrilegious line to her as his oath of love, “You complete me.” (Excuse me while I throw up.)


When I was 16 years old, all I wanted was a girlfriend. A cute one. A girlfriend that would bring some validation that I was cool enough, attractive enough, and man enough. I got one and she broke my little heart when she went away. I had ZERO clue how to attract women, all I knew how to do was chase. I repeated the same scenario when I was seventeen. I was caught in this cloud of bad thinking that having a girlfriend was some sort of proof that I was a man.


Oh, I got this girlfriend thing totally covered. Look at me, I am mature. When I was halfway through college, I thought that getting a wife would be the next benchmark of maturity. That’s the next step to adulthood – marriage. I better keep this woman - she will make a good wife. But, I had no clue about wife criteria… chalk one up to being 20 and thinking that I knew everything.


These same thoughts permeate the consciousness of most men. It comes at you at different ages and different stages. A man in his 20’s thinks, “I have to get a girlfriend.” A man in his 30’s thinks, “I have to get a wife.” But I am here to tell you that the woman is not the missing piece. She is the “helping” piece. She will have more respect for you if you are a whole person on your own.


There exists a big difference in a woman “completing” you versus a woman “helping” you achieve your personal mission in life. If she has her own agenda, she is not wifely material.


Here’s what you need to do to:

1) Read lots of books. Books on personal development. Books on self-actualization. Spiritual books. Books on financial management. Wealth-building books.

2) Talk to men who are older and wiser. Pay attention to the stories that surround your life.

3) Travel. Go other places. See the world. Taste other cultures.


Figure out who you are and what you want. It will change as you grow, but get a good idea of where you are and where you are going as a man, before you add a woman to the mix.


RHM

Marriage: the cure for loneliness?

Do men really fear growing old and being alone? Is marriage the cure for loneliness?

I have been in a long term marriage.
I have been devout.
I have children / I am an active father.
I have gone through a divorce.
I have made lots of money (and lost lots of money).
I've spent money on houses, cars, vacations.

I have been ______ (aren't many left except gay, leaving that for someone else)...


Here's what I found: ________ will not fulfill you. Pick one, any one.


Being lonely is just a sign of not knowing what you want in life. Marriage does not solve the loneliness problem. Plenty of successful, strong men are trapped in lonely marriages with the wrong woman or with the right woman who changed over the years.


This next point is critical:

Once married, you cede partial control of YOUR life over to a woman who gains legal/financial privileges and immense emotional leverage in your life. You had better be a strong man. I have met very few men strong enough to make it work with the typical American raised woman.


Go back and re-read that last point.



Who can guarantee that she will stay the sweet, caring woman that wanted to live happily-ever-after with you? Who can? That's right... no one can make that guarantee. And you don't get your time or money back.


I think the wisest thing I've heard about divorce came from a christian pastor who said this (referring to a well-used scriptural reference): "You know why God hates divorce? Because it hurts us so bad." Most people who have gone through a divorce agree.


Marry only if you want children. Raising children is an intense, financially demanding, physically/emotionally exhausting, and time (hours AND years) consuming commitment. It takes a strong man to do a good job. It takes the right woman to do a good job. If you get divorced, she thinks the kids are hers except when it comes to financial matters, then they are "our" kids.

If you do a good job with your kids, your chances of being old and alone are greatly reduced. You will probably be surrounded by family and grandchildren.


Do not get married until you have traveled extensively outside the United States. It will open your eyes and give you a better perspective. If you've never seen with your own eyes how women treat American men in other countries, you have no clue.















If you want to marry and have kids, find a beautiful latin american or asian woman (who grew to adulthood in her home country) with strong family values and relationships.


RHM