Everybody needs a mentor...

Whether it's throwing a baseball, swinging a golf club, or making a sales presentation... we all  learned it from somebody.  The problem is that your Average Frustrated Guy never had a father, big brother, or buddy (who was good with women) teach him what to say and how to act around women.

If you are not good with women, you WILL have to learn "how-to-do-it" from someone.

I've hung out with lots of guys.  I've seen the guys who score with women.   I've seen the guys that latch on to the first decent girlfriend they can find.  The guys that hang out with me have seen the good, the hot, and the ugly.  It's transparency among friends.

Here is the problem with gurus: you buy the marketing.  You have no actual idea of their ability to consistently get hot women or maintain mutually beneficial relationships with women.  You spend so little time with them, it's just not a mentoring relationship.


I had a buddy help me with women... we spent COUNTLESS hours of trial and error in social venues.  Trying, succeeding, and also failing.  He would give me honest feedback, sometimes brutal and he was also there to high-five me.


Every man, who ever became good at something, had a mentor.


Where will you find a mentor?  Are dvds and books the substitute for spending serious time with socially successful guys?  Will you try to learn it from routines?  Will you learn it all in a weekend bootcamp?

Will you find someone who lives in your city who is good with women?  Will you make the effort to be a good and reliable wingman?  Are you willing to bring something to the table in exchange for the help from others?

RHM

Positive and Realisitc

We all know that tough life experiences can make us bitter or better.  I've had my share of mistakes with women and been burned, but I also recognize the great things about a woman that I enjoy:

soft skin
pretty eyes
nice legs
warm breasts
a woman's intuition
her nurturing nature
soft voice
the touch of her hand
beautiful hair
her want for a strong man
the way her body moves when dancing


With these great things in mind, I still don't want to chase to get what I enjoy.  Because I know that no matter how sweet she may seem, she generally wants us to pursue.  Some dating coaches want you to fantasize a new reality for yourself where "hot women want to sleep with you wherever you go."  That might sell some sizzle, but the steak is still in the basics.


Talk to enough women to find the ones attracted to you.  Learn how to better recognize attraction and recognize when she's just being socially courteous.  Make yourself accessible if she really wants to get together with you.  Follow up in a high value, social leader way.  Learn how to say to yourself, "Next."  Build a high value social life.


Most normal guys don't want to dress like Elton John and run into colleagues, old friends, or social circle members.  "Nice feather boa and eyeliner, Smith."  Most guys starting out cannot afford or have enough wingmen to put together a VIP champagne party every weekend.

Keep a positive attitude about where you are going, but be realistic about your current station and progress.  The confidence comes with your mastery of the basics.  The attraction comes from your confidence.  You can make the change, it's a journey.


RHM

Missing the obvious...

On a recent night out,  two women in proximity at the bar interrupted my buddy and I after standing next to us for ten minutes.  One asked me, "Have you met my friend?"  and proceeded with the introductions.  What do you think that means?  Duh.  The friend was attracted to me and her "wingwoman" made the approach.

Does that happen every time?  No, but as you progress in your confidence and social skills of acting as an attractive person and making a presence in the room, the conditions become more conducive to the occurrence.

Sometimes a man is so distracted by his emotions or the beauty of a woman, he misses the obvious signs or lack thereof that she is mutually interested.  When she leaves, his buddies say, "wow she was really into you." All he could think of was the struggle to find the next topic of conversation.

This is a very important reason to hang out with male friends who understand the factors of attraction.

Other gurus call it the "attraction process"; but I am careful to use that lest you think that you can create attraction when she feels none for you.  You cannot manufacture attraction with any one particular woman.  You have to talk to enough women to find the ones attracted to you.  That's my mantra. The most control you have is to become your best: confident, sociable, self-actualized, fit, and fashionable.  Go out to have fun with your friends and leave the smell of desperation at home in your closet. The rest is up to the various tastes of sundry women. 


So what happens when you are out having a good time with a group of friends and find yourself in the midst of an interaction with a desirable woman?  Your mind is racing wondering if you can score with this woman.  You are enjoying the fun of the moment and may mistake her participation or patience for genuine attraction.


How to tell if she is attracted to you:

• positive body language movements ( I teach trainees how to read her body language)
  
• she initiates the interaction
• she asks you questions to encourage the conversation
• she does not excuse herself quickly
• She asks about your plans for the rest of the day/night/week
  

Now, attraction doesn't automatically mean she is going to jump your bones.  There are a number of logistical factors that may prevent her from acting on the animal magnetism.

You must discover enough of these elements to formulate your course of action:

• The attitudes of her friends who are present
  
• Her level of inhibition
• Her marital status
  
• Her relationship status
• Her physical status (tired from work, menstruating, has to be asleep early)
  
• Her social plans for the evening
  

You can learn to determine these factors with a few harmless questions early on in the conversation.


This may sound basic, but many men miss these signs in the heat of the moment.  You have to train your mind to recognize these while you are interacting with a woman.


Don't miss the visible signs...








RHM

What is your goal with women?

Men generally seek one of two goals in their pursuit of women:

1) Sex

2) Relationship


Number one is obvious and quite funny that women act so offended by it. We men are driven by the wonderful desire to conquer... economically, tribally, and sexually. If you only want sex from her, then put the kibosh on relationship behaviors.  Be straightforward and candid while escalating, you'll find the women who are seeking the same thing.

Number two is a little more tricky.  Some men want a relationship of some form or function.

• Maybe getting sex regularly from the same woman without a lot of hassle.  
• Maybe a guy is tired of being alone all the time and desires some companionship.    
• Maybe a guy wants to prove something to the world by his arm candy

Are you experienced enough to know what you you want?  Have you seriously considered what deep, lasting thing she might provide for your life?  Which of the following do you desire: nurture, sexual relationship, hospitality, companionship, child bearing?
(read: What does she bring to the table for you?)


You need to sit down and think about your goal... your purpose.  This will help you change or refocus your behavior to match your goal. 

Last weekend I talked with a friend about his dating life.  So many men are trapped in an outdated mindset.  I asked him why he was still using old behaviors. If you are stuck in old patterns, let me ask you the same tough question.  Why are you still sponsoring lunches or drink dates?  Why are you sponsoring trips?

"Because I can afford to to so" is a bad reason.  There are far better charities (with more intrinsic reward) in which to invest your time, money, or specialized skills than the local hottie you met online or at the club.

Who do you think is the prize?  You or her?  If you are looking for sex versus a relationship, stop trying to build a relationship.


Take a look at your goals with women.  You might need to make some adjustments.


RHM

Online dating trends...

Finding passion online is now culturally acceptable.  Some interesting numbers from the world of online dating:

• According to Hitwise, there are about 1,400 online dating sites in North America.
• Roughly 40 million American singles use online dating and social networking sites to meet new people.
• It is predicted that Americans will spend $1.7 billion on dating services in 2013.
• Singles who are more likely to use dating sites are ones who are more sociable and have high self-esteem. They also put more value in romantic relationships.
• 49% of Americans know of someone who has found a date online. 28% know more than one person.
• According to Nielsen, online dating sites generating 27.5 million unique visitors in June, 2009.

According to the U.S. Census there are now 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S.

• 47% are men and 53% are women.
• 61% have never been married, 24% have beeen divorced at least once and, 15% are widowed.
• 15.8 million are seniors (65+).
• 11.6 million are single parents living with children. 9.8 million of these parents are women.

After my divorce, my married social circle dissipated.  I had to start from square one.  Wives didn’t want their married husbands hanging out with me.  With no singe male friends capable of being wings and not knowing where to turn; I started online dating to meet women.  I also grew my social circle through these women I met online.

After I became confident through many "meet and greets" my skills improved and I discovered through trial and error how to approach women in public venues.  About the same time, I found single male friends who were great with women.  We interacted with even more women.  We did this without routines and we did it with routines.  What is the common denominator for me?

 Social skills.


Part of being social is understanding someone's motivation for being in a particular place at a particular time.  Why is this woman here tonight?  What's her agenda? 

The same applies to women on dating websites. Why is she there?

 In my experience here's are some of the reason women use dating and social networking online:

• she is tired of trying to meet guys in bars and clubs
• it's a safe way for her to flirt
  
• she finds that attractive men don't approach her in public
• she wants validation after a failed relationship 
  
• she doesn't want to bring her personal life into her workplace (dating a co-worker, vendor, colleague)
• she doesn't belong to many social groups (clubs, hobbies, church)
  
• her friends are in relationships and she is tired of being the single one
• she is recently divorced/separated and has been out of the dating scene

In addition, most of these women expect a man to play the traditional dating role.  The hot ones are pursued by many men online.  Make sure you flip the script.  As more and more men use online dating it is important that guys embrace a non-chasing approach.  (Click here for: I kissed dating goodbye)

Despite what the snake-oil salesman say, a woman determines if she is attracted to you in the first 90 seconds.  Talk normal and avoid the canned pickup routines and lines.

A couple keys to success...

• Not too much AND not too little info on your profile... fun, confident, and a little mystery.
• Stop pouring over every detail of her profile, it's all about her attraction to your photos.
• You will have to broadcast a "personable" generic message to many -  to find the ones attracted to you.

If you have not conquered your anxiety of talking to new people in public, spend a little less time on the computer and go be social with your friends.  Ultimately, your ability to converse with a women face-to-face will serve you well when you have to meet her in person.

RHM

Truth or hype?

So many dating and lifestyle coaches blast you with the must-have dvd, cd, podcast, groundbreaking material... I get the emails of misleading or exaggerated claims.  So many lately, that my head is spinning.  I rank them right up there with penis enlargement ads.


They taunt you with new information you must buy to stay relevant.  They often misread cause and effect.  Recently I read about the success of a young American in Brazil attributed to a guru.  Any American guy that takes even a mediocre game overseas is going to get mobbed by foreign cuties.

Do you believe the hype?  Is your penis really going to get bigger by taking the magic pill?

Guess what?

Men and women have been around a long time... and whether you believe evolution or intelligent design, basic human nature hasn't changed that much in the past few thousand years.

Even if you disagree with the long time line, there is no secret that has been unlocked in the past four years that is going to be your silver bullet.  I have witnessed guys who have paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to re-tool them to do better with women.  I don't see the radical change.

There are some good books on conversational skills with women, but the better books are the ones that enhance your ability to interact with anyone.  Any "guru" that charges thousands for a weekend, but has had sex with less than a few handfuls of women, is taking you for a ride. 


Men have been succeeding with women for a long time with:

• confidence
• good social skills
• rules of engagement
• a plan of action.
  

Focus on improving these basic components.  Lots of gimmicks work in the short run, but let me ask you this:

Do you really want to be in your post 20's wearing eyeliner or dressing like a Las Vegas lounge act?  What happens when you are done banging a hundred chicks and have no network of friends from various walks of life?  What happens when you want to shift your focus to economic success or a long term familial relationship?  Will you find that you wasted too much time chasing tail and not enough time making yourself a better man?

Keep it simple soldier, don't buy the hype.


RHM

Don't swoon

Swoon is a term used to express happiness or excitement, to be overwhelmed by joy or emotion toward something or someone.

My good friend texts me yesterday... "I am at Barnes and Noble witnessing what apparently is an internet date."  He gives me a great play-by-play as he observes their interaction. 


"The guy actually brought a rose!"

"His cologne is awfully strong..."

"They're so awkward... he asked her if she wanted dinner."

"She's an attractive girl, spinner... probably 26"

"He's very polite.. lol"

"Oh they're talking religion"

"She must like him... She's asking 'what do you think about me?' "

"He says, 'oh, that's a bold question!' "

"She's telling him about feng shui"

"She thinks he's such a gentleman"


This poor guy has been indoctrinated by TV commercials, sitcoms, and chick flicks... he is following those worn-out hollywood/madison avenue scripts.  There's a lesson in here for you guys.


He sets his frame as a chaser.  Even before he knows if this girl is a keeper or a nut job,  he brings a rose as an offering.  What that really communicates: "you are higher value than me and I must impress you."

He establishes the standard of being a sponsor.  He offered her dinner.  What has she done to deserve HIS attention and affection?  She hasn't earned dinner yet!


He creates his identity as a gentleman in her mind.  Women expect gentleman to pursue them. Be the first to initiate communication.  Call her later to say how much he enjoyed meeting her. Text her to tell her he was thinking about her.  He will get to "date" her, but she will make him EARN her affection.

If we could reverse time we would have him flip the script.

No rose. Ask her some tough questions about her life choices.  Be a bit aloof.  Ask her if she cooks and what she specialty she would make for him.  Ask her the questions where she reveals some of her shortcomings.

Flip the old script and don't make the rookie mistakes... don't swoon.  Keep your emotion in check.


RHM

Another slice of rejection, anyone?

Fear of rejection is bad because of the REJECTION. No one likes it.

Unfortunately, many guys think they need to develop thick skin. It's counter-productive to act outlandish or corner a woman until the point she rejects you. It's a fruitless activity that makes you think you are actually strengthening your skills. Think of rejection more as a virus that eats away at your inside instead of a an external force trying to penetrate your epidermis.

Chasing sets you up for rejection.


The women that doesn't:

swoon at your opening line
return your text
return your call
keep the date you set

affects your inner state.


All these things chip away, little by little, at your self esteem. Instead of trying to build an immunity, limit the situations that create, opportunity for and depth of, emotional rejection.

Of course, it's silly to say, "we'll then, I won't ever approach a woman." I am not talking about opening. We, as the man, have to lead; but leading is creating the right framework for the interaction and setting the precedent for the relationship.


Chasing is following.


Best way to lead the interaction is to give her room to chase. Go easy on the phone calls and texts. Give her time and emotional space. Don't profess too much of your interest in her.


I know that I really falter on this when I meet a woman who I really dig. It's easy to act this way with your average female, but the hot women test my resolve.


I don't want anything chipping away at my self esteem.



RHM

Keep them coming back

Women like to return regularly to my house. I don’t have a big place, a hot tub, a pool or a plasma TV. But I make it a cool place to hang… it’s simple and any guy can do it.


Clean

• Especially the kitchen sink, kitchen floor, bathroom sinks, tub & toilets.
• Bleach is effective, inexpensive, and smells clean. Clean sends a good message.
• I don’t leave unfolded laundry in plain site.
• Clean sheets and my bed is made

Good hospitality

• I usually offer wine (correct size glasses), beer (ice cold mugs), iced tea, juices, or water
• I show then the bathroom first so they feel free to use it.
• I ask them if they are hungry. 99% of them say “no thanks.”
• Are you too cold? (set the thermostat cool for female guests.)
• Clean towels that I offer if they want to shower. Shower gel and a new, extra toothbrush is classy touch.

Comfort

• I have a comfortable couch.
• I have a big comfortable bed
• Candles are cool: ambient lighting and aroma
• I have no pets, but if you do, prevent the licking and slobber

Keep them coming back for more.

RHM

When scarcity is a good thing

The law of supply and demand point out that scarcity can raise demand. Gold, oil, diamonds... If you make your self completely available to a woman, she can have you anytime SHE wants. How many times has a woman not been available when you had a free evening?

Make yourself scarce to the girl. They call it playing hard to get. Too many guys jump at the chance to go on a date with a woman; and usually it is on the woman's terms.

The problem with dates…

How many dating websites give you a list of creative dates, top ten date ideas, best dating ideas… as if a "date" was the magical key to any relationship.

You’ll have a hard time wrapping your brain around this one if you haven’t been in a marriage or multi year co-habitation relationship. See if you can trust me on this one.

Taking a woman on a date is the opposite of scarcity. Dates set the tone that “I must win that person over.” Notice that I said “person” instead of girl. I have no problem being treated to a nice dinner or movie; neither do most women.

Winning the client – take them to lunch or dinner

Winning the stranger – buy them a drink

Winning the friend – bring them a gift

Winning the girl – ______________

How did you fill in the blank?

It sets the tone for the relationship: always trying to win her over.

Win her again and again with … better clothes, newer car, nicer house

When do you finally win this game? Never. Many guys just try to get out, after realizing that she will never be content. Why do you think that financial problems are stated as a top reason for divorce?

Never get into that game of winning her over.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to enjoy the companionship and all the wonderful things about a woman… her perspective, her soft skin, her feminine mystique, her respect, kissing, etc. BUT

My idea of a date, I cook for you or you cook for me. If she’s happy with that and treats me well, then we can consider going places.

Make yourself scarce.

RHM

The simple key to abundance...

If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you.

For you see, the ones attracted to you want to spend time with you. They make it easy. Many guys experience frustration because the object of their attention won’t reciprocate.

She doesn’t return may calls
She doesn’t return my texts in a timely manner
She is always too busy to get together


What if you didn’t worry about any one particular woman?

There is only one way to make this happen without wasting your time on the phone pursuing every attractive woman with your preoccupation for the next great conversational scheme to spark her passive interest.


The powerful phrase: Next, please.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s a famous line to console the lovelorn, but a fact indeed for those that don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of the one that got away.


Okay, you may concede my point, but you still feel that talking to a lot of women is difficult.

There are only two hurdles to abundance:

1) where to find women
2) what to say to women


Get ready to leap over hurdle #1.

Women are everywhere. Bars, clubs, lounges, college bars, college campuses, grocery stores, shopping malls, business mixers, social happy hours, networking events, and the list goes on. They are even at work. But, for the sake of your gainful employment… don’t hit on those women, just practice talking to them. Here's the secret... ready? Get off your ass and out the door.

Okay, throw that leg forward over hurdle #2.

Pickup lines are corny, creepy, or needy and usually some combination of the three. Normal conversation is socially acceptable and effective. You heard me right. Social dialogue is what people have after they get through the corny, creepy, or needy pickup game. I am here to let you know that you can take 5 minutes to travel the tunnel through the mountain instead of winding around the dangerous, steep pass for 30 minutes.


Women have no trouble “processing attraction,” they do it all the time. All you need to do is to have an acceptable exchange. She already decided in the first 30 seconds of meeting you, if you were sponge-worthy. If she’s not into you, you can politely end the interaction with your social value and dignity in tact. If she’s into you, she will let you know with her enthusiasm and her body language.


If you don’t know how to have normal conversation, get some help.


Do you know any friends that are good at social dialogue? I think you should spend more time with them.

Do you have any friends that make people feel weird and uncomfortable? Do they do outlandish things with their clothing and behavior to garner attention? I think you should spend less time with them.

You might need to seek out seek out some expertise.


Talk to enough women and you will find the ones attracted to you.


RHM

Please and thank you…

Do you remember when Barney the Purple Dinosaur told you (or your kids) that those were the magic words?

Well, ole Barney was right in teaching those manners to 5 years olds. However, those phrases are part of social transactions between people in our society. These words are simple building blocks of social calibration.

Your whole outlook on life and influence on people can change by the words you choose to use. Language is a strong tool; the pen is mightier than the sword. A giant ship is turned by a small rudder. The words you speak or omit to say, have a powerful effect on people.

Several weeks ago, I was out with some friends and for a few minutes I stepped away from our table to make conversation with some acquaintances. Moments later, my waitress approached me and advised, “Your friend is an asshole.” Calmly, I asked what happened. Well she replied, “He demanded that I get him a beer, he didn’t ask me… he demanded.”

Now I didn’t ask nor care to know which friend was the offending party, but I logged the exchange with the waitress as a lesson. Her emotional state is irrelevant; it’s a common social grace. More importantly, women notice the presence or lack of these social graces more than men. Women talk, word spreads quickly.

I waited tables in graduate school to support my family and scholastic expenses. Once you’ve been on the business end of someone who thinks they are above the hired help, it puts things into perspective.

Please and thank you…

Beyond demonstrating class (read: high value) when you are in the care of hired help, it is a powerful tool in your relationships with people. It is something that practiced enough becomes part of a mature social nature. It is for use with subordinates, family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, parents, children, and neighbors.

When you are in the business of sales, first impressions are priceless. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you are about the business of winning friends, influencing people, and creating advocates and opportunities; first impressions set the course for the interaction. Ask yourself: how do I come across to people? Serious, goofy, funny, threatening, rude, shy, nervous, or bold… I prefer classy or in other words, high value.

Socially calibrated actions demonstrate that you are a high-value person.

RHM

I want something from you…

Once upon a time in America, when someone came home from work, the store, or from picking the kids up from school… they parked (the one car the family owned) in their driveway or carport. Got out of the car and said hello and had a brief conversation with their neighbors and then went inside. If the phone rang, they answered it, eager to speak with the caller.

People belonged to civic clubs, people attended small churches, block parties were very common, and everybody knew their neighbors. Everyone showed up for the PTA spaghetti dinner.

Every kid knew every kid in a 3 block radius.

Then something changed… people became less concerned about interacting and more concerned with getting. The multimedia advertising revolution and our obsession with obtaining and protecting more stuff changed the way we looked at life.

Now, we drive our car payment into our gated neighborhood, pull into the garage, close the automatic door, and cocoon ourselves away from everyone. We like to be wrapped in our silk…500 cable channels of distraction, HDTV, surround sound, the internet 24/7, and our video gaming systems. Few of us have time for civic groups that give back. To meet our spiritual needs, we go to mega-churches and remain anonymous.

We open the junk mail (90% of what we get) over the wastebasket. All calls go to voice mail unless we like the caller’s ID. (We’re glad we signed up for the ‘no-call’ list.) We get the pop-ups just trying to weed through our junk email or navigate to our favorite websites. We turn on the TV and get the same ads that we heard in the car on the radio. The non-stop barrage tells us what we’re missing. They demand that we buy. The ad screams: “I want you to take action.” So we can have more stuff.

Call now, operators are standing by!

Don’t delay, supplies are running out!

Act fast, the sale ends tomorrow!

This new ______ is the best; get yours now!

Everybody wants something from us. Our careers want our precious time. The monster of materialism wants our precious money. We’ve been conditioned to be guarded. We are suspect of strangers, especially the ones with candy.

So a guy walks into a bar, eager to meet some new people. But those new people have been conditioned that everyone wants something from them. The guy walking into the bar, he himself the stranger, is conditioned. He’s heard it since he was 5 years old when McGruff the Crime Dog came to his kindergarten class and lectured his classmates. Every kid, now an adult in the bar, is conditioned: don’t talk to strangers.

So, he’s in the bar/club/lounge trying to meet people…

Hey, can I get your opinion?

What time do you have?

You’re hot, I can’t believe you expect me not to come over and say ‘hello’.

Do you guys come here often?

What are you drinking?

Do you know where ______ is?

_______fill in this blank with _________ (translation: I want something from you.)

We want: a laugh at our jokes, a warm response to our opener, her not to pull away when we claw, a hug, a smile, a kiss, you not to reject me, a free drink, the acceptance of your group, your time, your attention, your sex.

How about going out with the idea of not wanting anything from people? Give them a break, they are out trying to drink, socialize, party and take a break from everybody who wants something from them. They have a demanding boyfriend, girlfrend, husband, wife, kids, boss, room mate, or parent.

They may be there to celebrate a birthday/divorce/nuptials and just cut loose for awhile.

Be the Social Santa Claus with a big bag of good vibes. (They will want to sit on your lap later)

How about your group having fun and talking about what’s going on in your lives? This is what normal adults do: Let me tell you about my boss. You won’t believe what my cousin did. Let me tell you about the woman I met last night. Guess where I’m going next week. I got a promotion. I’m looking for a new job. I got a new dog. I shot a 90 at the golf course last Wednesday. I broke 25 minutes at the 5k. I’ve been hitting the gym hard. I’ve got this crazy client, you won’t believe this story.

You might need to get a life to talk about it.

Now a stranger walks by your group in the bar…

Hey what’s up? How’s it going? What’s the occasion? Where are your friends?

I’m great. Good times. Cheers. Have fun. Take care. Be well. We’re going here and there. We’re having a party.

They won’t be eager to walk away, and you may meet a new friend or lover.

Where was I at the beginning? Oh yeah…

I want something from you… on second thought, no I don’t.

I have what you want.

RHM

What does she brings to the table?

What a woman can bring to the table:

Nurture (physical affection, listening ear, words of encouragement)

Sexual relationship (she enjoys it, she initiates it, she seeks to please you)

Hospitality (cooking for you, has your favorite beverage, knows how to make people feel comfortable in your/her home)

Companionship (she is interested in helping you achieve your goals in life)

Child bearing (she has the desire and mental health to raise good kids)





Pay attention to the following signs… these women rarely bring anything to the table


Any three of these:

• She tells you how much she enjoys eating out

• She does not get sexual with you by the third date

• She tells you that she doesn’t cook

• She is affectionate but always asks what the next date is going to be

• She doesn’t invite you over just to hang out

• She says that she is taking an emotional risk with you

• She has predominantly couple/married friends

• She still lives with her parent(s)

• She is annoyed with children

The signs at her apartment or home:

• A little basket by the sofa filled with frayed cat toys.

• Dr. Phil's "Love Smart" on the premises

• Cat hair / cat smell on the furniture

• Overflowing shoe rack but no good liquor

• Fridge serves as more of a museum of condiments than a dispenser of nutrition. Only no one is curating it.

• Birth Control Packet with pills for Monday and Tuesday still in the case (it's Wednesday)

Now that you know what to avoid, here's what it should look like...


The home of the “single woman knows how to please a man”:

• Whole place is clean and well-kept
  

• A dog... clean and well-behaved

• Comfortable, matching furniture

• Choice of liquors and mixers

• Refrigerator stocked with real food

• Clean sheets and her bed is made

What she says:

• Do you like it when I touch you like this?

• I am cooking something you’ll love.

• Sit down, relax, let me get you a drink.

• You are a great guy.

• Hello, handsome.

• When can you come see me?

Yes, Virginia, there are still plenty of women like this and I have heard these things with my own ears…


RHM

Maintaining Multiple Friends with Benefits...

Women enjoy sex as much men. Chisel that into the granite between your ears.


How does a guy maintain multiple friends with benefits?


One word.... F-R-A-M-E.


"I like your company, you like mine. I enjoy having sex with you. We can hang out when both of our schedules allow."



The tricky thing with FB's is that if you keep them long term they become a non-traditional girlfriend. I treat them nice but in a non-traditional way, meaning very few "dates."


They have an implicit understanding that there exist other women in your world. It's just not a good idea to go into details of who/what/where/when/how. And you certainly do not want to know who they are sleeping with besides you.


They will be watching your actions to see if you are communicating a deeper relationship. That's what many of them desire.



Here are my personal guidelines:


1) Phone communication/text message once weekly, maybe twice. Maintain space.

2) No gifts/romantic cards/notes/emails. If dinner, it's at her house. Maybe mine.

3) Relationship is of a sexual nature not a nurturing one, request for time = booty calls

4) Use compliments sparingly; especially in the heat of passion or the afterglow

5) Do not get emotional with them, only enough emotional push/pull that they know you have some iota of care for them

6) Henry Ford rule: always meet subordinates at their office, you can leave when you are finished (in case you missed that... meet at her house)

7) Twice a week with any one particular chick is the maximum. If you need more sex, go get another FB.

8 ) Limit overnight stays. Since it's a big emotional benchmark for a chick, staying overnight is usually too "boyfriend/girlfriend." Most guys do it to get the a.m. round of sex... try to maintain emotional space.



The whole relationship is a balance between: you using her and her using you. She will leave if/when a better deal comes along. Or you can let her fall by the wayside as you improve the quality of your rotation. A steady supply of sex will improve your bedroom skills, techniques, and stamina.


Now you have options, just like a hot babe...



RHM

It's simple... but will you do it?

Just a couple random thoughts I had while contemplating recent interactions with women:


- If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you. Talk to every woman you find attractive.


- Work twice as much on yourself as you do on your game. You will get more out of reading the books yourself than listening to a guru summarize it.


- Read, travel, study, fine tune your hobbies... become a man of substance. Your self-esteem will soar.


- Study game and you get some results. Become a man who has skills, goals, cultivated talents and the ability to communicate your passions... and you will get unbelievable results.


RHM

Know when to hold 'em... know when to fold 'em

Friday afternoon: I plan to meet a pretty woman for drinks. We're supposed to have coffee but she calls to change it to a bar/restaurant. Umm, ok. But I tell her I am not hungry and am not going to eat.


I meet her there and she asks if I mind if she eats something. I tell her that I agreed to meet for coffee but I am not buying her food. "If you want to get some food and pay for it, feel free to eat in front of me."


She order fajitas. Hmmm. A light snack. She drones on and on about her vampire ex-boyfriend who still controls her with witchcraft and is trying to get to her to do porn pics. (I kid you not.) For those of you who understand the terminology, she looked "oppressed."


About 30 minutes in, I found myself trying to figure out any way to salvage value from this interaction. But the whole thing was wigging me out and and my spidey-sense was telling me that she would probably try to stick me with the check. She had zero table manners as well, didn't pick up one utensil and talked with her mouth full.


I excused myself, went and paid the waiter for $3 for my soda and told him she was a nut-job. I came back to the table and said to crazy woman,

"I just paid the server for my drink. This whole thing is too strange for me. Best of luck."


I left her sitting at the table with her halfway through her meal and walked right out of the restaurant. Right out the door.


Here's the email she sent me...

"hey...

thanks so much for leaving me w/ the tab...that is so moral of a loser like you to do. I could care less what u think of me because no offense...you're not someone who anyone would be swooning over...u are a total dink and leech, and asshole...who can't pay for women not because u dont want to pay for them but probably because you want to steal and take from them yourself. That is soo sad and pathetic...women need to be warned of junk like you out there..it's one thing to not pay for someone but to steal and expect ppl to pay 'your' tab...that is a whole other low....im sure you'll get plenty of dates..ciao asshole/loser"



The total beauty of this is that she probably didn't have the money to pay for her food. I hope she got a good taste of her own games.


Would a woman still want you to take her to dinner if she was paying the tab?


RHM

The games women play

The hotter you think she is, the more likely you will succumb.


Before you think I am writing another sour note about women… consider the rising tide: Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Cosmo, Glamour, and countless others paint women out to be the victims.


Before it’s a foregone conclusion that women are victims, let’s take a look at some of the games women play very well. Not all women play all the games all the time. But all women play some of the games some of the time.


These games typically involve women seeking sponsors (men) who think approval, affection, and/or fidelity can be purchased. We are in an era when a woman can be President of the United States, when women deserve equal pay for equal work, when women can ruin a man’s reputation with a mere accusation… BUT the man is supposed to be the financial sponsor. Chivalry, my ass.


Bar Drinks: Getting all dressed up in the sexy “come-do-me” clothes they wouldn’t wear to the office. Then going to a bar knowing plenty of suckers will buy their drinks. Game-player flirts with the unsuspecting sap until it’s time to go. The really brazen game-player will ask outright, “buy me a drink, please.” You douche-bags who comply continue the bad precedent.


Last weekend I was out at a happy hour and decided to dive-bomb into a closed circle of five attractive women as my buddies watched the ensuing mayhem. I advise them that no men will talk to them if they have the wagons circled. They did their best with sarcastic comments to get me to leave tail-tucked into the night; but I was steadfast in breaking down their bitch-shields. The head cutie told me I should buy them a drink. I countered that they owed me for my bravado in putting up with their poor manners. She was verbally beating me back while her friend brought me two Michelob Ultras. I like this game.


No-strings attached hookups: I want you, you want me. After the rendezvous, the game changes. “I have a few expectations…” These boil down to you becoming her boyfriend


Lunches/Dinners: The infamous bad deal for the man. Read my article or Paul Janka’s about why this is such a bad idea. It seems best to just avoid the whole dining-out routine. If the woman really likes you for you, she’ll want to cook for you, or come to your house for dinner.

Yesterday, I met a 29 year old chick for coffee. There's no Starbucks near her house (how they missed her particular corner is beyond me) so reluctantly I take her to Appleby's for coffee. We had a good hour or more of conversation. The sexual vibe is on like donkey kong.

I am running out of time because it's the middle of the day... so the date has to end soon. She asks me if we are going to eat,

Chick: "Are we going to order some food?"
RHM: "Let's go to your house and you can cook me something. Are you a good cook?"
Chick: "I am a good cook, but I don't have any food to cook you."
RHM: "What?"
Chick: "I didn't eat and we've been talking a long time, I am hungry."
RHM: "no, the plan was/is to meet for coffee."
Chick: "but when the woman is hungry, that's the polite thing to do."
RHM: "I've run out of time, I have to get back"
Chick: "That's okay, order me some takeout to go."
RHM: "Look, I am not your Daddy, it's not my job to feed you"
Chick: "If you don't have the money, just say so."
RHM: "Oh I have the money, but I am not spending it"
Chick: " Well, I assure you I can buy my own... I am going to email you my bank statement."
RHM: "I am certain you have the money to buy lunch for the entire restaurant. (I am certain she doesn't), but that doesn't change my mind"
Chick: "Well, this is a date, this is what you're supposed to do"
RHM: "No babe. This is us getting to know each other. I've bought dinner before and never heard from the chick again. If we see each other again then we can have a 'date'."

Hard-core sexy pressure as she batted those big brown eyes. She mustered every ounce of feminine wiles... but I held the line.



Shopping: is any guy really this stupid? Nah…


Weekend trips: see above and just substitute the word “getaway” for “dinner.” Every girl wants to go to Vegas, New York, the beach or a cruise for the weekend. For some guys this is their version of pay-for-play. I am guilty, I’ve done it before. Just be careful to collect your “$200” when you pass Go. On the rare occasion, you get a screaming good travel deal when you wanted to get out of town anyways; AND you think the trade of your time and money will be returned in a weekend of gratuitous sex… then go for it. As long as you’re certain this particular woman will deliver the goods.


Co-habitation: I have a friend and this is killing him. No marriage, no kids, but a world of manipulation on her part. It’s kind of funny that some women miss the “co” part of that equation. These days you have a mortgage/rent, utilities, insurances, cable, internet, maintenance and grocery bills. Crack open your checkbook honey, you probably took some dude’s job in the marketplace.


Engagement rings: the penultimate finger trophy for the never-married. A couple years ago, I was acquainted with a woman going through a divorce with less than a year into the marriage. The husband wanted the $10,000 engagement ring back…how do you think that ended? Sorry about your luck sucker. Wait to buy the fancy diamond until she’s popped out a few offspring for you. Once she’s your baby-momma, whether happily-ever-after or divorce, she will always be in your life.


Baby-daddy: “We don’t need a condom, I’m on birth control.” Be especially vigilant with baby-less women in the 30-38 range who exude a ticking sound. After women conquer the marketplace, they feel compelled to conquer motherhood. Some feel justified to attempt these juxtaposed jobs simultaneously. My sympathy if you and your siblings were raised by this type of mother. Also be watchful with women from a significantly, lower socio-economic strata than you. You may be mistaken for Mr. One-Way Ticket to a new life.


Have I covered everything?


RHM

The life we live afterwards...

Robert Redford as Roy Hobbs in The Natural had this exchange with his intriguing love interest:

Iris: You know, I believe we have two lives.
Roy: How... what do you mean?
Iris: The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.


I know that many men have had this experience post-divorce. We had a “life we learned with” and a “life we live afterwards.” It’s very similar to the lives that men live after they become smooth around women and not some try-hard chump, mesmerized by the power of pussy.


Many of us are living a "life we live afterwards." I know, I've heard your stories.


Countless gurus claim the ability to teach men how to get women. Various game plans are championed and yet lots of men are self-taught naturals with women.


Can you be taught and given a set of tools OR do you morph into a “natural” with the ladies? Here are some common characteristics of men who attract women. These are the characteristics of men who have worked hard to become “comfortably myself” around women.


Be good looking

Be exciting

Be sexy

Be sensual

Be funny

Be mysterious

Be challenging

Be successful


I believe a man can work on himself and improve these areas of his life. The greater degree to which you possess more of the above characteristics will increase your sexual and relational options with beautiful women. If you follow suit, you will be living the "life we live afterwards."



RHM

The poison they ingest...

You think the guy in my last post is crazy?


Heard this catchy tune on the radio... song by megastar Shania Twain.

Country music is B-I-G in America. Crossover artist get played ad naseum.

This is the kind of stuff that is programmed everyday into the minds of men & women:

"Any Man of Mine"

This is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
And I can be late for a date that's fine
But he better be on time

Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yea"





We have a lot of work to do...


RHM