Confidence is key

Confidence.

You may not be 100% confident in every area of your life. Who is?  Play to your strengths. We have all seen the dude with women that seemed to be out of his league.  How did that dude get that chick??? He played to his strength.


Looks, charm, physique, conversation, humor, intelligence, dance skills.


Any one of these can open the door to interactions with women.  Be confident in the realm in which you excel, use that to make yourself comfortable talking to anyone.  Why?  Because you rock the conversation or the dance floor or the humor or the looks or the battle of wits.



Once the door is open, recognize attraction and act on it.


RHM

Back in Black

Here we go folks...I am back.


Seems like past couple years I had written/said much of what I wanted to communicate.  Writing a weekly/bi-weekly blog and keeping the content fresh is easier said than done.  But, at the urging of more than a few people, I decided to start writing again.

I still encourage you to go back and read again my previous posts.  The ideas are still relevant and poignant.

Random update #1:

When you hit your 40's, "dating" a woman twenty years younger than yourself is like drinking from the fountain of youth.  It's crazy water. 

Not all women desire a May/December relationship, but there exist a certain female subset that are attracted to the matured man. You will have to talk to more than a few to find the women in this subset.


Random update #2:

In cases of strong mutual attraction between man and woman, the chemistry is like superglue.  Think about all the good things AND the bad things that happen with superglue.  I once accidentally glued my _______ to a _______.


Scary good stuff.




Random update #3:

Why do men need more than one woman?  Here's a nice video clip... catch the answer.







Random update #4:

One more reminder for sales or women:  Recognize attraction and act on it.



Stay tuned,

RHM

Everybody needs a mentor...

Whether it's throwing a baseball, swinging a golf club, or making a sales presentation... we all  learned it from somebody.  The problem is that your Average Frustrated Guy never had a father, big brother, or buddy (who was good with women) teach him what to say and how to act around women.

If you are not good with women, you WILL have to learn "how-to-do-it" from someone.

I've hung out with lots of guys.  I've seen the guys who score with women.   I've seen the guys that latch on to the first decent girlfriend they can find.  The guys that hang out with me have seen the good, the hot, and the ugly.  It's transparency among friends.

Here is the problem with gurus: you buy the marketing.  You have no actual idea of their ability to consistently get hot women or maintain mutually beneficial relationships with women.  You spend so little time with them, it's just not a mentoring relationship.


I had a buddy help me with women... we spent COUNTLESS hours of trial and error in social venues.  Trying, succeeding, and also failing.  He would give me honest feedback, sometimes brutal and he was also there to high-five me.


Every man, who ever became good at something, had a mentor.


Where will you find a mentor?  Are dvds and books the substitute for spending serious time with socially successful guys?  Will you try to learn it from routines?  Will you learn it all in a weekend bootcamp?

Will you find someone who lives in your city who is good with women?  Will you make the effort to be a good and reliable wingman?  Are you willing to bring something to the table in exchange for the help from others?

RHM

Positive and Realisitc

We all know that tough life experiences can make us bitter or better.  I've had my share of mistakes with women and been burned, but I also recognize the great things about a woman that I enjoy:

soft skin
pretty eyes
nice legs
warm breasts
a woman's intuition
her nurturing nature
soft voice
the touch of her hand
beautiful hair
her want for a strong man
the way her body moves when dancing


With these great things in mind, I still don't want to chase to get what I enjoy.  Because I know that no matter how sweet she may seem, she generally wants us to pursue.  Some dating coaches want you to fantasize a new reality for yourself where "hot women want to sleep with you wherever you go."  That might sell some sizzle, but the steak is still in the basics.


Talk to enough women to find the ones attracted to you.  Learn how to better recognize attraction and recognize when she's just being socially courteous.  Make yourself accessible if she really wants to get together with you.  Follow up in a high value, social leader way.  Learn how to say to yourself, "Next."  Build a high value social life.


Most normal guys don't want to dress like Elton John and run into colleagues, old friends, or social circle members.  "Nice feather boa and eyeliner, Smith."  Most guys starting out cannot afford or have enough wingmen to put together a VIP champagne party every weekend.

Keep a positive attitude about where you are going, but be realistic about your current station and progress.  The confidence comes with your mastery of the basics.  The attraction comes from your confidence.  You can make the change, it's a journey.


RHM

Tell me we're not living in a feminized culture...

What a great ad from the past....

Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere.  As a friend of mine says, that's your lock-in prop.  You might want to let her know it's coming...


RHM

Super secret formula?

There is no super secret formula for seduction.

Find the women who are attracted to you and escalate the physical. 


In case you missed this day in school:  Women are generally attracted to the guys they find good-looking and cool.  There are women who run the gamut from homely to hot, so there are specific women who find YOU attractive.  A few women find Woody Allen attractive, most women find George Clooney very attractive.

If you want to attract more and hotter women, then you might want to become a more physically attractive guy:

• Lose some weight 
• Build some muscles
• Change your wardrobe
• Get a better hairstyle
• Take care of that breath

If you want to attract more and hotter women, then you might want to become a more socially cool guy:

• Become a good conversationalist
• Learn to dance sexy
• Develop interesting hobbies
• Plan and execute social gatherings
• Build a circle of cool friends

While you are improving yourself, and always, talk to enough women so that you find the percentage of women attracted to you.  You may only attract 5 out of 100 women.  Out of those five, maybe only one is ready, willing, and able to spend some alone time with you.  You'll need to improve your attractiveness while meeting another 100 women.

Work on the above things and you may find that 10 out of 100 women are attracted to you.  Out of those ten women; three are  ready, willing, and able to jump your bones.  Improve your odds by working on yourself instead of searching for some secret seduction technique.


Continue to talk to as many women possible and you will find the ones attracted to you.


Find the women who are attracted to you and escalate the physical.


Stay tuned for escalating the physical...



RHM

Better options with better women

Here's a tip for your game in 2010 (bet you already know this):


Physical and mental self improvement leads to

healthier self-esteem, which leads to

comfortable talking to women, which leads to

more easily recognize her attraction toward you, which leads to

confident physical escalation, which leads to

more sex, which leads to

less intimidated / more comfortable talking to women, which leads to

better at recognizing attraction, which leads to

more confident physical escalation, which leads to

better options with better women...


Enjoy,
RHM

Random but important

Couple random thoughts I'd like to share...


A fool and his money are soon parted. 

Spending money on a  woman is a complete non-necessity.  It probably hurts your chances of getting laid. The only thing that matters is your confident response of acting on the attraction you recognize she has towards you.  Most guys puss out when the chick  is really hot and then break this rule.  If you don't pay for her drinks/entertainment/meals and she still bangs you, without a doubt, she is into your chili.



You cannot out-train a bad diet.

You want to look better?  Change the way you eat permanently and trade-in processed carbs for healthy fats.   Only train once a week.  The real pain is saying no to breads, doughs, grains, rice, chips, potatoes, starches and sugar.  Go paleo. Hunter/gatherer diet that is... google it.


Be more social

Most of the time you will have to initiate the plans to hang out with male and female friends.  So what?  Are you going to sit home and jack off to porn or play video games?  Call or text somebody and make it happen.



Do not get one-itis.

This means that you focus only on one girl until she breaks your heart or becomes too difficult.  If she does not match up to your dream girl, then why are you still exclusively with her?  Spend more time with other women and your buddies.



RHM

Be a triple threat...

Threat one: Lifestyle

Your lifestyle has so much to do with who will be attracted to you. If you are a fun, social, outgoing guy with good people skills you will attract fun, social women who like to go out. Push yourself to become more friendly cool (not clingy creepy) and draw more folks into your sphere of influence.

What can you do today to expand your social circle and improve your friendships?

• Send a text to your buddy.  
• Check in with new friends. 
• Make definite plans to hangout together.
  

Threat two: Sex

Someone posed this question to me a year ago: "How do you find girls like sex?  in other words whats the best way to sex them up" 

Here's my experience:

• Women like sex with guys they like. 
• Women enjoy sex with guys they like who know how get them off.
• Women will hang on to guys that are lackluster in the sack as long as they like him outside the bedroom.
• Women will chase and sponsor guys they like who know how to get them off.
  

The best way I have found to bang her (so that I get invited back) is the way that gives her an orgasm.  Find out what gets her off and then decide if you like doing that.  Find out if she likes doing what gets you off.  It's called sexual compatibility.

Sometimes the situation calls for foreplay.  Sometimes the situation calls for fast action.  There is an almost infinite combination of foreplay, positions, and sexual acts.  Your confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac for her.


Threat three: Intrigue

Here's a real life example...

1) I met this woman and we exchanged phone numbers after the first encounter.  Two days later I had a 20 minutes conversation with her.

2) I did not text her or call her incessantly after that.

3) Three weeks after that, I saw her in a bar and suggested we go bounce somewhere private.  She agreed but we failed to connect later that night. No nookie.

4) I did not call her or text her incessantly.

5) She admitted that she was "playing hard to get" aka trying to get me to chase.  She said, "but you didn't bite."


The alternate course of action, which I would have taken early in my dating development, would have been to call her, text her, try to bait her with some clever line or conversation.  If you can grasp this concept, you will take the tunnel through the mountain instead of the long, winding trail around the mountain.

Why did I not care to chase her?  Because I have a lot of other options with women.  Sure I wanted to eventually have sex with her, but I wasn't worried or obsessed with it happening.  Women can sense this in you. You should employ this approach, my friend.

I see "need/obsession" in a lot of guys when I go out to clubs.  Women want you to chase them.  They want the power position.  My philosophy is to keep the power to myself.

I quote my very good friend on this, "Attraction is not a choice neither can it be forced."  If it's there, you can let it simmer.  By not chasing this girl, I retained my status as a desirable prize to her.  If the attraction isn't there, drop her and go talk to other women.

Eventually I ran into her again out with friends,  we both knew it was on for an after-party.  She still tried to get me to chase her, "I can't have sex with you here (in my friend's house... with my friends around)."  Of course she knew what we both wanted, but I was not desperate.  I crawled into a bed alone around 4am, she joined me a few minutes later.  This indifference is a powerful tool on a woman's psyche.  Compared to the option of begging or trying to force it; I choose intriguing indifference.

Be a triple threat and see how women respond.  You might get more than you can handle.


RHM

Missing the obvious...

On a recent night out,  two women in proximity at the bar interrupted my buddy and I after standing next to us for ten minutes.  One asked me, "Have you met my friend?"  and proceeded with the introductions.  What do you think that means?  Duh.  The friend was attracted to me and her "wingwoman" made the approach.

Does that happen every time?  No, but as you progress in your confidence and social skills of acting as an attractive person and making a presence in the room, the conditions become more conducive to the occurrence.

Sometimes a man is so distracted by his emotions or the beauty of a woman, he misses the obvious signs or lack thereof that she is mutually interested.  When she leaves, his buddies say, "wow she was really into you." All he could think of was the struggle to find the next topic of conversation.

This is a very important reason to hang out with male friends who understand the factors of attraction.

Other gurus call it the "attraction process"; but I am careful to use that lest you think that you can create attraction when she feels none for you.  You cannot manufacture attraction with any one particular woman.  You have to talk to enough women to find the ones attracted to you.  That's my mantra. The most control you have is to become your best: confident, sociable, self-actualized, fit, and fashionable.  Go out to have fun with your friends and leave the smell of desperation at home in your closet. The rest is up to the various tastes of sundry women. 


So what happens when you are out having a good time with a group of friends and find yourself in the midst of an interaction with a desirable woman?  Your mind is racing wondering if you can score with this woman.  You are enjoying the fun of the moment and may mistake her participation or patience for genuine attraction.


How to tell if she is attracted to you:

• positive body language movements ( I teach trainees how to read her body language)
  
• she initiates the interaction
• she asks you questions to encourage the conversation
• she does not excuse herself quickly
• She asks about your plans for the rest of the day/night/week
  

Now, attraction doesn't automatically mean she is going to jump your bones.  There are a number of logistical factors that may prevent her from acting on the animal magnetism.

You must discover enough of these elements to formulate your course of action:

• The attitudes of her friends who are present
  
• Her level of inhibition
• Her marital status
  
• Her relationship status
• Her physical status (tired from work, menstruating, has to be asleep early)
  
• Her social plans for the evening
  

You can learn to determine these factors with a few harmless questions early on in the conversation.


This may sound basic, but many men miss these signs in the heat of the moment.  You have to train your mind to recognize these while you are interacting with a woman.


Don't miss the visible signs...








RHM

Finding the proper balance

When I was young, dumb, and full of you-know-what...  I was in a co-dependent relationship with a woman.  This was a direct result of not possessing the proper social skills and confidence to give me better choices with women.  Have you ever felt like you settled for less than you deserved with a woman?


I first read Stephen Covey's bestseller "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" in 1990, it had a great impact on me.  His book introduced me to the notion of inter-dependence.  I am not regurgitating his work, rather, I will give you my take on the concept.  This is extremely important when you decide to have a relationship.


Picture a continuum between co-dependency on the far left and independence on the far right.

Co-dependent <-------------------------------->Independent


Some sign of co-dependency in your relationship:

Arguments / Poor communication / Lying
Extremely jealously / suspiciousness
Physical or emotional abuse (even if subtle)
Lack of proper boundaries for the management of time and money
Extreme need for approval
Controlling behavior
Fear of losing the relationship


Have you experienced this with a woman?  Does she use her emotions to influence your decisions? Would you like to end the relationship, but you fear hurting her feelings?  Are you isolated from your closest male friends?  Have you become financially dependent on her and cannot leave?


If I struck a nerve, it's only because I have felt these pains myself.  There's no judgment here, only help.



On the other end of the spectrum; you can have total independence from any relationship with a woman.  You are relegated to random sex with a string of women.  This is dangerous for the man who lacks relationships in other areas of his life:  i.e. no close friends, no children,  or no close immediate family members. 

How many close male friends do you have?
Do you often go out alone in search of a hookup?
Have you embraced a persona that would limit your job or business opportunities?
Are there any women you would like to keep in your life?


I strongly believe that many gurus in the pick-up community fall into this category.  A guy can become one-dimensional, emotionally detached, and lonely.  Be careful from becoming "that guy."



The best balance comes in relationships with inter-dependence:

Co-dependent <------- Inter-dependence ------------->Independent




What does a inter-dependent relationship look like?


She contributes nurture, sexual relationship, hospitality, companionship.
You are both content with your current standard of living.
You share a high quality of life for your current means.
You have best male friends, she has best female friends.
You both have a career/responsibilities and hobbies of your own.
You have mutual friends that you interact with as couples.
You can safely share your thoughts, struggles, and concerns with each other.
You both meet each others sexual needs.
You support each other's career goals, hobbies, and need for personal space.


It's a tough thing if you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship.  It takes a lot of courage to face the pain of breaking up an unhealthy relationship.  In the near future, you will be glad you did.  Remain in co-dependency and you will slowly die on the inside.

Brian Tracy asks this question in his seminars,  "What is the greatest waste of time?"


A bad relationship.


If you find yourself detached from others because of your behavior in chasing women, start with reconnecting your familial relationships.  At the same time, work at developing friendships with good male friends.  That is spelled T-I-M-E.  You become like those you hang around.


Don't settle for less than your potential.


RHM

What is your goal with women?

Men generally seek one of two goals in their pursuit of women:

1) Sex

2) Relationship


Number one is obvious and quite funny that women act so offended by it. We men are driven by the wonderful desire to conquer... economically, tribally, and sexually. If you only want sex from her, then put the kibosh on relationship behaviors.  Be straightforward and candid while escalating, you'll find the women who are seeking the same thing.

Number two is a little more tricky.  Some men want a relationship of some form or function.

• Maybe getting sex regularly from the same woman without a lot of hassle.  
• Maybe a guy is tired of being alone all the time and desires some companionship.    
• Maybe a guy wants to prove something to the world by his arm candy

Are you experienced enough to know what you you want?  Have you seriously considered what deep, lasting thing she might provide for your life?  Which of the following do you desire: nurture, sexual relationship, hospitality, companionship, child bearing?
(read: What does she bring to the table for you?)


You need to sit down and think about your goal... your purpose.  This will help you change or refocus your behavior to match your goal. 

Last weekend I talked with a friend about his dating life.  So many men are trapped in an outdated mindset.  I asked him why he was still using old behaviors. If you are stuck in old patterns, let me ask you the same tough question.  Why are you still sponsoring lunches or drink dates?  Why are you sponsoring trips?

"Because I can afford to to so" is a bad reason.  There are far better charities (with more intrinsic reward) in which to invest your time, money, or specialized skills than the local hottie you met online or at the club.

Who do you think is the prize?  You or her?  If you are looking for sex versus a relationship, stop trying to build a relationship.


Take a look at your goals with women.  You might need to make some adjustments.


RHM

Online dating trends...

Finding passion online is now culturally acceptable.  Some interesting numbers from the world of online dating:

• According to Hitwise, there are about 1,400 online dating sites in North America.
• Roughly 40 million American singles use online dating and social networking sites to meet new people.
• It is predicted that Americans will spend $1.7 billion on dating services in 2013.
• Singles who are more likely to use dating sites are ones who are more sociable and have high self-esteem. They also put more value in romantic relationships.
• 49% of Americans know of someone who has found a date online. 28% know more than one person.
• According to Nielsen, online dating sites generating 27.5 million unique visitors in June, 2009.

According to the U.S. Census there are now 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S.

• 47% are men and 53% are women.
• 61% have never been married, 24% have beeen divorced at least once and, 15% are widowed.
• 15.8 million are seniors (65+).
• 11.6 million are single parents living with children. 9.8 million of these parents are women.

After my divorce, my married social circle dissipated.  I had to start from square one.  Wives didn’t want their married husbands hanging out with me.  With no singe male friends capable of being wings and not knowing where to turn; I started online dating to meet women.  I also grew my social circle through these women I met online.

After I became confident through many "meet and greets" my skills improved and I discovered through trial and error how to approach women in public venues.  About the same time, I found single male friends who were great with women.  We interacted with even more women.  We did this without routines and we did it with routines.  What is the common denominator for me?

 Social skills.


Part of being social is understanding someone's motivation for being in a particular place at a particular time.  Why is this woman here tonight?  What's her agenda? 

The same applies to women on dating websites. Why is she there?

 In my experience here's are some of the reason women use dating and social networking online:

• she is tired of trying to meet guys in bars and clubs
• it's a safe way for her to flirt
  
• she finds that attractive men don't approach her in public
• she wants validation after a failed relationship 
  
• she doesn't want to bring her personal life into her workplace (dating a co-worker, vendor, colleague)
• she doesn't belong to many social groups (clubs, hobbies, church)
  
• her friends are in relationships and she is tired of being the single one
• she is recently divorced/separated and has been out of the dating scene

In addition, most of these women expect a man to play the traditional dating role.  The hot ones are pursued by many men online.  Make sure you flip the script.  As more and more men use online dating it is important that guys embrace a non-chasing approach.  (Click here for: I kissed dating goodbye)

Despite what the snake-oil salesman say, a woman determines if she is attracted to you in the first 90 seconds.  Talk normal and avoid the canned pickup routines and lines.

A couple keys to success...

• Not too much AND not too little info on your profile... fun, confident, and a little mystery.
• Stop pouring over every detail of her profile, it's all about her attraction to your photos.
• You will have to broadcast a "personable" generic message to many -  to find the ones attracted to you.

If you have not conquered your anxiety of talking to new people in public, spend a little less time on the computer and go be social with your friends.  Ultimately, your ability to converse with a women face-to-face will serve you well when you have to meet her in person.

RHM

Bad advice from a pretty source...

 





















I never took this too seriously in my younger years, because I thought women were a good source of advice about women.  I can't stress this enough:  men need advice from MEN about dating and relationships.  Most western women (U.S. and western Europe) and male "experts" will give you advice from a post 1960's, feminist perspective.

Yes, that little movement really messed things up for American culture... ahh but that is another story for a another day.

Here's the problem, most women have not picked-up, dated, or been in a relationship with a woman. Most women hang on to the hope for a fairytale romance; and we all know those do not exist.  All women know a girl who knew a girl who was swept off her feet by a personal prince charming.  But if you could take a inside look the actual relationship between Prince Charming and Princess Entitled you would see challenges, jealousies, and conflict minor or major.  Most people put on a good face because they don't want the world to see their dirty laundry.


Your first thought may be, "Hey , tell me something I don't know. I already have this locked down."


Check it out though.... some guys rely on a woman's perspective at three junctions:

• upon meeting the really hot woman
  
• after they enter a relationship
• when he has isolated himself from his male friends
  

When she is really hot...

he thinks that this ONE is the exception to the rule.  She dictates to him the agenda for getting in her pants.  "You need to get to know me before we jump in bed."  "I like to be treated like a lady, take me to dinner."  "I am very cautious about getting intimate."  "I don't have sex on the first date."


After they enter a relationship...

she tells him how she wants to be treated based on her whims and emotions.  "I want to hang out with your buddies and you."  "You spend too much time with your friends." "You spend too much time with your family/kids."   "I need at least once date night a week."  "I can't cook for you all the time."  "I'm too tired to have sex every day."  "I know you watch your dietary habits, but I can't eat that way."  "Are you planning something special for the holiday?"



When he has isolated himself from his male friends...

now he has no sounding board, no one who will dare tell him the bitter truth. "I could move in with you."  "Let's plan our future."    "We should invest in my career."  "I really want a baby."  "We should take a big trip together."  "We should get a house of our own."


Now she has full influence over him barring an intervention by his concerned friends or family members.  Why do people always say, "well, I saw that coming..."  Why don't they have the guts to be candid when they see their friend headed for an emotional or financial cliff?


A few bits of good advice to keep your friend from careening off the cliff... (don't be surprised when she jumps out once you've hit bottom)

• Your family and friends were there BEFORE her
• Your family and friends will be there AFTER her
• Plan and pursue your dreams
• She must be a help to your personal, professional, and financial goals not a hindrance
• Work your plan and don't be sidetracked by her whims and desires
• Your money is yours, never hers
• Your time is yours, never hers

Tell them I said so...


RHM

Truth or hype?

So many dating and lifestyle coaches blast you with the must-have dvd, cd, podcast, groundbreaking material... I get the emails of misleading or exaggerated claims.  So many lately, that my head is spinning.  I rank them right up there with penis enlargement ads.


They taunt you with new information you must buy to stay relevant.  They often misread cause and effect.  Recently I read about the success of a young American in Brazil attributed to a guru.  Any American guy that takes even a mediocre game overseas is going to get mobbed by foreign cuties.

Do you believe the hype?  Is your penis really going to get bigger by taking the magic pill?

Guess what?

Men and women have been around a long time... and whether you believe evolution or intelligent design, basic human nature hasn't changed that much in the past few thousand years.

Even if you disagree with the long time line, there is no secret that has been unlocked in the past four years that is going to be your silver bullet.  I have witnessed guys who have paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to re-tool them to do better with women.  I don't see the radical change.

There are some good books on conversational skills with women, but the better books are the ones that enhance your ability to interact with anyone.  Any "guru" that charges thousands for a weekend, but has had sex with less than a few handfuls of women, is taking you for a ride. 


Men have been succeeding with women for a long time with:

• confidence
• good social skills
• rules of engagement
• a plan of action.
  

Focus on improving these basic components.  Lots of gimmicks work in the short run, but let me ask you this:

Do you really want to be in your post 20's wearing eyeliner or dressing like a Las Vegas lounge act?  What happens when you are done banging a hundred chicks and have no network of friends from various walks of life?  What happens when you want to shift your focus to economic success or a long term familial relationship?  Will you find that you wasted too much time chasing tail and not enough time making yourself a better man?

Keep it simple soldier, don't buy the hype.


RHM

Don't swoon

Swoon is a term used to express happiness or excitement, to be overwhelmed by joy or emotion toward something or someone.

My good friend texts me yesterday... "I am at Barnes and Noble witnessing what apparently is an internet date."  He gives me a great play-by-play as he observes their interaction. 


"The guy actually brought a rose!"

"His cologne is awfully strong..."

"They're so awkward... he asked her if she wanted dinner."

"She's an attractive girl, spinner... probably 26"

"He's very polite.. lol"

"Oh they're talking religion"

"She must like him... She's asking 'what do you think about me?' "

"He says, 'oh, that's a bold question!' "

"She's telling him about feng shui"

"She thinks he's such a gentleman"


This poor guy has been indoctrinated by TV commercials, sitcoms, and chick flicks... he is following those worn-out hollywood/madison avenue scripts.  There's a lesson in here for you guys.


He sets his frame as a chaser.  Even before he knows if this girl is a keeper or a nut job,  he brings a rose as an offering.  What that really communicates: "you are higher value than me and I must impress you."

He establishes the standard of being a sponsor.  He offered her dinner.  What has she done to deserve HIS attention and affection?  She hasn't earned dinner yet!


He creates his identity as a gentleman in her mind.  Women expect gentleman to pursue them. Be the first to initiate communication.  Call her later to say how much he enjoyed meeting her. Text her to tell her he was thinking about her.  He will get to "date" her, but she will make him EARN her affection.

If we could reverse time we would have him flip the script.

No rose. Ask her some tough questions about her life choices.  Be a bit aloof.  Ask her if she cooks and what she specialty she would make for him.  Ask her the questions where she reveals some of her shortcomings.

Flip the old script and don't make the rookie mistakes... don't swoon.  Keep your emotion in check.


RHM

Strengthen your frame

A frame is a structural system that supports other components.

Your mental/emotional/psychological frame supports all your social interaction skills.  If you have a strong frame you will have strong interactions.  Strengthen your frame and your skills will follow.  Strengthen your frame and others will be attracted to you.

What can you do to strengthen your frame?

Build relationships with like-minded male friends

Get some good male friends with some of the following qualities:

• Voracious readers
• Seasoned travelers
• Active athletes
• Wise investors
• Social experts
• Interested listeners
• Fun compatriots

Not everyone needs to orbit around you daily or weekly.  Don’t just ditch people who bring you down, because you may be the one bringing them up. Just create a little more time and space between you and them.  Those would be people who are addicted, negative, possessive, depressed, socially un-calibrated, or bizarre. 

Develop your spirituality

It’s not all by happenstance… there’s more to life than you can touch, see, feel, hear, and taste.  Find a path and devote some time weekly to it.

Stop chasing women

Don’t go out of your way to interact with a woman.  Think more like a hot babe.  Consider yourself to be the prize she seeks.

Read, read, read… 

•  Don’t over-indulge on self-help books. 
• Don’t consume yourself blind with health/nutrition/fitness materials.  
• Don’t overdose on fiction.  
• Read real life biographies of successful men, adventurers, leaders, world-changers, and humble heroes.

Invest time in your hobbies

Travel, play recreational/social sports (not just gym time), making music, photography, writing… whatever it is, become better at it.

These things keep your focus on a well-rounded, full life and less on the over-abundance or lack of sex in your life.  Strengthen your frame and be surprised to find who you attract.

RHM

How will you spend it?

Finding sex versus being social is the same difference as spending versus investing money.


Let’s look at money for a minute… Mmmm… money. Spending money provides immediate gratification; it feels good to buy something. You finally fulfill the want or longing that has been in your gut. The desire is quenched.



Let’s go shopping. Let’s spend some money and get some gratification. Everyone loves to do it. Men usually shop for toys… electronics, cars, boats, and recreational equipment.  The alternative to shopping is: to buy less and invest more.

No one gets too excited about investing. 

Investing creates long term benefits of wealth creation and subsequent dividends. Only a small percentage of people get excited about investing in financial instruments.


Shopping will make you poor. Investing will make you rich.


Read that again.


How does this relate to your social life?


When you attend a social function or go out for an evening with friends to different venues (bars, clubs, parties); you only have so much emotional energy to give away. Many are shy and never hit the wall, but believe me, meeting people, striking up conversations, and making friends takes energy. You only have a finite amount of energy to use before you need to recover.


Investing in social interactions with many people will reward you with a rich social life.

Will you spend your social energy OR invest your social energy?

Many guys squander their social energy on finding sex. Buy now, save later. They use their words and energy on finding a companion for the night. They ignore the process of making friends and creating advocates. Some of the best pick-up artists are guys that have very few close “normal” friends.


Spend the same energy in the ongoing work of creating a strong social sphere and you will find greater enjoyment in your social outings. Instead of going home empty-handed or stringing together a greatest hits list of one-night-stands, you will continue build your social network every week.


Investing will make you rich.



RHM

Waking up from a dream...

Well, I don't know if it was a good one or a bad dream... but after a sabbatical from blogging, I may have found my voice again.


I'll be regularly recording my ruminations about men and women. I was inspired by the recent news of several engagements for marriage by people I know. Yikes, are they succumbing to social pressure or are they really ready for it?

Wow, so much work and so little time...


Please check back often and tell your buddies. Most western women don't like the hard truth about men.


And I still enjoy photos of women.


Thanks,
RHM

Another slice of rejection, anyone?

Fear of rejection is bad because of the REJECTION. No one likes it.

Unfortunately, many guys think they need to develop thick skin. It's counter-productive to act outlandish or corner a woman until the point she rejects you. It's a fruitless activity that makes you think you are actually strengthening your skills. Think of rejection more as a virus that eats away at your inside instead of a an external force trying to penetrate your epidermis.

Chasing sets you up for rejection.


The women that doesn't:

swoon at your opening line
return your text
return your call
keep the date you set

affects your inner state.


All these things chip away, little by little, at your self esteem. Instead of trying to build an immunity, limit the situations that create, opportunity for and depth of, emotional rejection.

Of course, it's silly to say, "we'll then, I won't ever approach a woman." I am not talking about opening. We, as the man, have to lead; but leading is creating the right framework for the interaction and setting the precedent for the relationship.


Chasing is following.


Best way to lead the interaction is to give her room to chase. Go easy on the phone calls and texts. Give her time and emotional space. Don't profess too much of your interest in her.


I know that I really falter on this when I meet a woman who I really dig. It's easy to act this way with your average female, but the hot women test my resolve.


I don't want anything chipping away at my self esteem.



RHM