June 10, 2007

Marriage: the cure for loneliness?

Do men really fear growing old and being alone? Is marriage the cure for loneliness?

I have been in a long term marriage.
I have been devout.
I have children / I am an active father.
I have gone through a divorce.
I have made lots of money (and lost lots of money).
I've spent money on houses, cars, vacations.

I have been ______ (aren't many left except gay, leaving that for someone else)...

Here's what I found: ________ will not fulfill you. Pick one, any one.

Being lonely is just a sign of not knowing what you want in life. Marriage does not solve the loneliness problem. Plenty of successful, strong men are trapped in lonely marriages with the wrong woman or with the right woman who changed over the years.

This next point is critical:

Once married, you cede partial control of YOUR life over to a woman who gains legal/financial privileges and immense emotional leverage in your life. You had better be a strong man. I have met very few men strong enough to make it work with the typical American raised woman.

Go back and re-read that last point.

Who can guarantee that she will stay the sweet, caring woman that wanted to live happily-ever-after with you? Who can? That's right... no one can make that guarantee. And you don't get your time or money back.

I think the wisest thing I've heard about divorce came from a christian pastor who said this (referring to a well-used scriptural reference): "You know why God hates divorce? Because it hurts us so bad." Most people who have gone through a divorce agree.

Marry only if you want children. Raising children is an intense, financially demanding, physically/emotionally exhausting, and time (hours AND years) consuming commitment. It takes a strong man to do a good job. It takes the right woman to do a good job. If you get divorced, she thinks the kids are hers except when it comes to financial matters, then they are "our" kids.

If you do a good job with your kids, your chances of being old and alone are greatly reduced. You will probably be surrounded by family and grandchildren.

Do not get married until you have traveled extensively outside the United States. It will open your eyes and give you a better perspective. If you've never seen with your own eyes how women treat American men in other countries, you have no clue.

If you want to marry and have kids, find a beautiful latin american or asian woman (who grew to adulthood in her home country) with strong family values and relationships.


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I like the robust exchange of ideas. Mature, relevant comments will be kept regardless of viewpoint.