Positive and Realisitc

We all know that tough life experiences can make us bitter or better.  I've had my share of mistakes with women and been burned, but I also recognize the great things about a woman that I enjoy:

soft skin
pretty eyes
nice legs
warm breasts
a woman's intuition
her nurturing nature
soft voice
the touch of her hand
beautiful hair
her want for a strong man
the way her body moves when dancing


With these great things in mind, I still don't want to chase to get what I enjoy.  Because I know that no matter how sweet she may seem, she generally wants us to pursue.  Some dating coaches want you to fantasize a new reality for yourself where "hot women want to sleep with you wherever you go."  That might sell some sizzle, but the steak is still in the basics.


Talk to enough women to find the ones attracted to you.  Learn how to better recognize attraction and recognize when she's just being socially courteous.  Make yourself accessible if she really wants to get together with you.  Follow up in a high value, social leader way.  Learn how to say to yourself, "Next."  Build a high value social life.


Most normal guys don't want to dress like Elton John and run into colleagues, old friends, or social circle members.  "Nice feather boa and eyeliner, Smith."  Most guys starting out cannot afford or have enough wingmen to put together a VIP champagne party every weekend.

Keep a positive attitude about where you are going, but be realistic about your current station and progress.  The confidence comes with your mastery of the basics.  The attraction comes from your confidence.  You can make the change, it's a journey.


RHM

Be a triple threat...

Threat one: Lifestyle

Your lifestyle has so much to do with who will be attracted to you. If you are a fun, social, outgoing guy with good people skills you will attract fun, social women who like to go out. Push yourself to become more friendly cool (not clingy creepy) and draw more folks into your sphere of influence.

What can you do today to expand your social circle and improve your friendships?

• Send a text to your buddy.  
• Check in with new friends. 
• Make definite plans to hangout together.
  

Threat two: Sex

Someone posed this question to me a year ago: "How do you find girls like sex?  in other words whats the best way to sex them up" 

Here's my experience:

• Women like sex with guys they like. 
• Women enjoy sex with guys they like who know how get them off.
• Women will hang on to guys that are lackluster in the sack as long as they like him outside the bedroom.
• Women will chase and sponsor guys they like who know how to get them off.
  

The best way I have found to bang her (so that I get invited back) is the way that gives her an orgasm.  Find out what gets her off and then decide if you like doing that.  Find out if she likes doing what gets you off.  It's called sexual compatibility.

Sometimes the situation calls for foreplay.  Sometimes the situation calls for fast action.  There is an almost infinite combination of foreplay, positions, and sexual acts.  Your confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac for her.


Threat three: Intrigue

Here's a real life example...

1) I met this woman and we exchanged phone numbers after the first encounter.  Two days later I had a 20 minutes conversation with her.

2) I did not text her or call her incessantly after that.

3) Three weeks after that, I saw her in a bar and suggested we go bounce somewhere private.  She agreed but we failed to connect later that night. No nookie.

4) I did not call her or text her incessantly.

5) She admitted that she was "playing hard to get" aka trying to get me to chase.  She said, "but you didn't bite."


The alternate course of action, which I would have taken early in my dating development, would have been to call her, text her, try to bait her with some clever line or conversation.  If you can grasp this concept, you will take the tunnel through the mountain instead of the long, winding trail around the mountain.

Why did I not care to chase her?  Because I have a lot of other options with women.  Sure I wanted to eventually have sex with her, but I wasn't worried or obsessed with it happening.  Women can sense this in you. You should employ this approach, my friend.

I see "need/obsession" in a lot of guys when I go out to clubs.  Women want you to chase them.  They want the power position.  My philosophy is to keep the power to myself.

I quote my very good friend on this, "Attraction is not a choice neither can it be forced."  If it's there, you can let it simmer.  By not chasing this girl, I retained my status as a desirable prize to her.  If the attraction isn't there, drop her and go talk to other women.

Eventually I ran into her again out with friends,  we both knew it was on for an after-party.  She still tried to get me to chase her, "I can't have sex with you here (in my friend's house... with my friends around)."  Of course she knew what we both wanted, but I was not desperate.  I crawled into a bed alone around 4am, she joined me a few minutes later.  This indifference is a powerful tool on a woman's psyche.  Compared to the option of begging or trying to force it; I choose intriguing indifference.

Be a triple threat and see how women respond.  You might get more than you can handle.


RHM

Bad advice from a pretty source...

 





















I never took this too seriously in my younger years, because I thought women were a good source of advice about women.  I can't stress this enough:  men need advice from MEN about dating and relationships.  Most western women (U.S. and western Europe) and male "experts" will give you advice from a post 1960's, feminist perspective.

Yes, that little movement really messed things up for American culture... ahh but that is another story for a another day.

Here's the problem, most women have not picked-up, dated, or been in a relationship with a woman. Most women hang on to the hope for a fairytale romance; and we all know those do not exist.  All women know a girl who knew a girl who was swept off her feet by a personal prince charming.  But if you could take a inside look the actual relationship between Prince Charming and Princess Entitled you would see challenges, jealousies, and conflict minor or major.  Most people put on a good face because they don't want the world to see their dirty laundry.


Your first thought may be, "Hey , tell me something I don't know. I already have this locked down."


Check it out though.... some guys rely on a woman's perspective at three junctions:

• upon meeting the really hot woman
  
• after they enter a relationship
• when he has isolated himself from his male friends
  

When she is really hot...

he thinks that this ONE is the exception to the rule.  She dictates to him the agenda for getting in her pants.  "You need to get to know me before we jump in bed."  "I like to be treated like a lady, take me to dinner."  "I am very cautious about getting intimate."  "I don't have sex on the first date."


After they enter a relationship...

she tells him how she wants to be treated based on her whims and emotions.  "I want to hang out with your buddies and you."  "You spend too much time with your friends." "You spend too much time with your family/kids."   "I need at least once date night a week."  "I can't cook for you all the time."  "I'm too tired to have sex every day."  "I know you watch your dietary habits, but I can't eat that way."  "Are you planning something special for the holiday?"



When he has isolated himself from his male friends...

now he has no sounding board, no one who will dare tell him the bitter truth. "I could move in with you."  "Let's plan our future."    "We should invest in my career."  "I really want a baby."  "We should take a big trip together."  "We should get a house of our own."


Now she has full influence over him barring an intervention by his concerned friends or family members.  Why do people always say, "well, I saw that coming..."  Why don't they have the guts to be candid when they see their friend headed for an emotional or financial cliff?


A few bits of good advice to keep your friend from careening off the cliff... (don't be surprised when she jumps out once you've hit bottom)

• Your family and friends were there BEFORE her
• Your family and friends will be there AFTER her
• Plan and pursue your dreams
• She must be a help to your personal, professional, and financial goals not a hindrance
• Work your plan and don't be sidetracked by her whims and desires
• Your money is yours, never hers
• Your time is yours, never hers

Tell them I said so...


RHM

Don't swoon

Swoon is a term used to express happiness or excitement, to be overwhelmed by joy or emotion toward something or someone.

My good friend texts me yesterday... "I am at Barnes and Noble witnessing what apparently is an internet date."  He gives me a great play-by-play as he observes their interaction. 


"The guy actually brought a rose!"

"His cologne is awfully strong..."

"They're so awkward... he asked her if she wanted dinner."

"She's an attractive girl, spinner... probably 26"

"He's very polite.. lol"

"Oh they're talking religion"

"She must like him... She's asking 'what do you think about me?' "

"He says, 'oh, that's a bold question!' "

"She's telling him about feng shui"

"She thinks he's such a gentleman"


This poor guy has been indoctrinated by TV commercials, sitcoms, and chick flicks... he is following those worn-out hollywood/madison avenue scripts.  There's a lesson in here for you guys.


He sets his frame as a chaser.  Even before he knows if this girl is a keeper or a nut job,  he brings a rose as an offering.  What that really communicates: "you are higher value than me and I must impress you."

He establishes the standard of being a sponsor.  He offered her dinner.  What has she done to deserve HIS attention and affection?  She hasn't earned dinner yet!


He creates his identity as a gentleman in her mind.  Women expect gentleman to pursue them. Be the first to initiate communication.  Call her later to say how much he enjoyed meeting her. Text her to tell her he was thinking about her.  He will get to "date" her, but she will make him EARN her affection.

If we could reverse time we would have him flip the script.

No rose. Ask her some tough questions about her life choices.  Be a bit aloof.  Ask her if she cooks and what she specialty she would make for him.  Ask her the questions where she reveals some of her shortcomings.

Flip the old script and don't make the rookie mistakes... don't swoon.  Keep your emotion in check.


RHM

Strengthen your frame

A frame is a structural system that supports other components.

Your mental/emotional/psychological frame supports all your social interaction skills.  If you have a strong frame you will have strong interactions.  Strengthen your frame and your skills will follow.  Strengthen your frame and others will be attracted to you.

What can you do to strengthen your frame?

Build relationships with like-minded male friends

Get some good male friends with some of the following qualities:

• Voracious readers
• Seasoned travelers
• Active athletes
• Wise investors
• Social experts
• Interested listeners
• Fun compatriots

Not everyone needs to orbit around you daily or weekly.  Don’t just ditch people who bring you down, because you may be the one bringing them up. Just create a little more time and space between you and them.  Those would be people who are addicted, negative, possessive, depressed, socially un-calibrated, or bizarre. 

Develop your spirituality

It’s not all by happenstance… there’s more to life than you can touch, see, feel, hear, and taste.  Find a path and devote some time weekly to it.

Stop chasing women

Don’t go out of your way to interact with a woman.  Think more like a hot babe.  Consider yourself to be the prize she seeks.

Read, read, read… 

•  Don’t over-indulge on self-help books. 
• Don’t consume yourself blind with health/nutrition/fitness materials.  
• Don’t overdose on fiction.  
• Read real life biographies of successful men, adventurers, leaders, world-changers, and humble heroes.

Invest time in your hobbies

Travel, play recreational/social sports (not just gym time), making music, photography, writing… whatever it is, become better at it.

These things keep your focus on a well-rounded, full life and less on the over-abundance or lack of sex in your life.  Strengthen your frame and be surprised to find who you attract.

RHM

How will you spend it?

Finding sex versus being social is the same difference as spending versus investing money.


Let’s look at money for a minute… Mmmm… money. Spending money provides immediate gratification; it feels good to buy something. You finally fulfill the want or longing that has been in your gut. The desire is quenched.



Let’s go shopping. Let’s spend some money and get some gratification. Everyone loves to do it. Men usually shop for toys… electronics, cars, boats, and recreational equipment.  The alternative to shopping is: to buy less and invest more.

No one gets too excited about investing. 

Investing creates long term benefits of wealth creation and subsequent dividends. Only a small percentage of people get excited about investing in financial instruments.


Shopping will make you poor. Investing will make you rich.


Read that again.


How does this relate to your social life?


When you attend a social function or go out for an evening with friends to different venues (bars, clubs, parties); you only have so much emotional energy to give away. Many are shy and never hit the wall, but believe me, meeting people, striking up conversations, and making friends takes energy. You only have a finite amount of energy to use before you need to recover.


Investing in social interactions with many people will reward you with a rich social life.

Will you spend your social energy OR invest your social energy?

Many guys squander their social energy on finding sex. Buy now, save later. They use their words and energy on finding a companion for the night. They ignore the process of making friends and creating advocates. Some of the best pick-up artists are guys that have very few close “normal” friends.


Spend the same energy in the ongoing work of creating a strong social sphere and you will find greater enjoyment in your social outings. Instead of going home empty-handed or stringing together a greatest hits list of one-night-stands, you will continue build your social network every week.


Investing will make you rich.



RHM

Another slice of rejection, anyone?

Fear of rejection is bad because of the REJECTION. No one likes it.

Unfortunately, many guys think they need to develop thick skin. It's counter-productive to act outlandish or corner a woman until the point she rejects you. It's a fruitless activity that makes you think you are actually strengthening your skills. Think of rejection more as a virus that eats away at your inside instead of a an external force trying to penetrate your epidermis.

Chasing sets you up for rejection.


The women that doesn't:

swoon at your opening line
return your text
return your call
keep the date you set

affects your inner state.


All these things chip away, little by little, at your self esteem. Instead of trying to build an immunity, limit the situations that create, opportunity for and depth of, emotional rejection.

Of course, it's silly to say, "we'll then, I won't ever approach a woman." I am not talking about opening. We, as the man, have to lead; but leading is creating the right framework for the interaction and setting the precedent for the relationship.


Chasing is following.


Best way to lead the interaction is to give her room to chase. Go easy on the phone calls and texts. Give her time and emotional space. Don't profess too much of your interest in her.


I know that I really falter on this when I meet a woman who I really dig. It's easy to act this way with your average female, but the hot women test my resolve.


I don't want anything chipping away at my self esteem.



RHM

Keep them coming back

Women like to return regularly to my house. I don’t have a big place, a hot tub, a pool or a plasma TV. But I make it a cool place to hang… it’s simple and any guy can do it.


Clean

• Especially the kitchen sink, kitchen floor, bathroom sinks, tub & toilets.
• Bleach is effective, inexpensive, and smells clean. Clean sends a good message.
• I don’t leave unfolded laundry in plain site.
• Clean sheets and my bed is made

Good hospitality

• I usually offer wine (correct size glasses), beer (ice cold mugs), iced tea, juices, or water
• I show then the bathroom first so they feel free to use it.
• I ask them if they are hungry. 99% of them say “no thanks.”
• Are you too cold? (set the thermostat cool for female guests.)
• Clean towels that I offer if they want to shower. Shower gel and a new, extra toothbrush is classy touch.

Comfort

• I have a comfortable couch.
• I have a big comfortable bed
• Candles are cool: ambient lighting and aroma
• I have no pets, but if you do, prevent the licking and slobber

Keep them coming back for more.

RHM

When scarcity is a good thing

The law of supply and demand point out that scarcity can raise demand. Gold, oil, diamonds... If you make your self completely available to a woman, she can have you anytime SHE wants. How many times has a woman not been available when you had a free evening?

Make yourself scarce to the girl. They call it playing hard to get. Too many guys jump at the chance to go on a date with a woman; and usually it is on the woman's terms.

The problem with dates…

How many dating websites give you a list of creative dates, top ten date ideas, best dating ideas… as if a "date" was the magical key to any relationship.

You’ll have a hard time wrapping your brain around this one if you haven’t been in a marriage or multi year co-habitation relationship. See if you can trust me on this one.

Taking a woman on a date is the opposite of scarcity. Dates set the tone that “I must win that person over.” Notice that I said “person” instead of girl. I have no problem being treated to a nice dinner or movie; neither do most women.

Winning the client – take them to lunch or dinner

Winning the stranger – buy them a drink

Winning the friend – bring them a gift

Winning the girl – ______________

How did you fill in the blank?

It sets the tone for the relationship: always trying to win her over.

Win her again and again with … better clothes, newer car, nicer house

When do you finally win this game? Never. Many guys just try to get out, after realizing that she will never be content. Why do you think that financial problems are stated as a top reason for divorce?

Never get into that game of winning her over.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to enjoy the companionship and all the wonderful things about a woman… her perspective, her soft skin, her feminine mystique, her respect, kissing, etc. BUT

My idea of a date, I cook for you or you cook for me. If she’s happy with that and treats me well, then we can consider going places.

Make yourself scarce.

RHM

The simple key to abundance...

If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you.

For you see, the ones attracted to you want to spend time with you. They make it easy. Many guys experience frustration because the object of their attention won’t reciprocate.

She doesn’t return may calls
She doesn’t return my texts in a timely manner
She is always too busy to get together


What if you didn’t worry about any one particular woman?

There is only one way to make this happen without wasting your time on the phone pursuing every attractive woman with your preoccupation for the next great conversational scheme to spark her passive interest.


The powerful phrase: Next, please.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s a famous line to console the lovelorn, but a fact indeed for those that don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of the one that got away.


Okay, you may concede my point, but you still feel that talking to a lot of women is difficult.

There are only two hurdles to abundance:

1) where to find women
2) what to say to women


Get ready to leap over hurdle #1.

Women are everywhere. Bars, clubs, lounges, college bars, college campuses, grocery stores, shopping malls, business mixers, social happy hours, networking events, and the list goes on. They are even at work. But, for the sake of your gainful employment… don’t hit on those women, just practice talking to them. Here's the secret... ready? Get off your ass and out the door.

Okay, throw that leg forward over hurdle #2.

Pickup lines are corny, creepy, or needy and usually some combination of the three. Normal conversation is socially acceptable and effective. You heard me right. Social dialogue is what people have after they get through the corny, creepy, or needy pickup game. I am here to let you know that you can take 5 minutes to travel the tunnel through the mountain instead of winding around the dangerous, steep pass for 30 minutes.


Women have no trouble “processing attraction,” they do it all the time. All you need to do is to have an acceptable exchange. She already decided in the first 30 seconds of meeting you, if you were sponge-worthy. If she’s not into you, you can politely end the interaction with your social value and dignity in tact. If she’s into you, she will let you know with her enthusiasm and her body language.


If you don’t know how to have normal conversation, get some help.


Do you know any friends that are good at social dialogue? I think you should spend more time with them.

Do you have any friends that make people feel weird and uncomfortable? Do they do outlandish things with their clothing and behavior to garner attention? I think you should spend less time with them.

You might need to seek out seek out some expertise.


Talk to enough women and you will find the ones attracted to you.


RHM

Please and thank you…

Do you remember when Barney the Purple Dinosaur told you (or your kids) that those were the magic words?

Well, ole Barney was right in teaching those manners to 5 years olds. However, those phrases are part of social transactions between people in our society. These words are simple building blocks of social calibration.

Your whole outlook on life and influence on people can change by the words you choose to use. Language is a strong tool; the pen is mightier than the sword. A giant ship is turned by a small rudder. The words you speak or omit to say, have a powerful effect on people.

Several weeks ago, I was out with some friends and for a few minutes I stepped away from our table to make conversation with some acquaintances. Moments later, my waitress approached me and advised, “Your friend is an asshole.” Calmly, I asked what happened. Well she replied, “He demanded that I get him a beer, he didn’t ask me… he demanded.”

Now I didn’t ask nor care to know which friend was the offending party, but I logged the exchange with the waitress as a lesson. Her emotional state is irrelevant; it’s a common social grace. More importantly, women notice the presence or lack of these social graces more than men. Women talk, word spreads quickly.

I waited tables in graduate school to support my family and scholastic expenses. Once you’ve been on the business end of someone who thinks they are above the hired help, it puts things into perspective.

Please and thank you…

Beyond demonstrating class (read: high value) when you are in the care of hired help, it is a powerful tool in your relationships with people. It is something that practiced enough becomes part of a mature social nature. It is for use with subordinates, family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, parents, children, and neighbors.

When you are in the business of sales, first impressions are priceless. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you are about the business of winning friends, influencing people, and creating advocates and opportunities; first impressions set the course for the interaction. Ask yourself: how do I come across to people? Serious, goofy, funny, threatening, rude, shy, nervous, or bold… I prefer classy or in other words, high value.

Socially calibrated actions demonstrate that you are a high-value person.

RHM

I want something from you…

Once upon a time in America, when someone came home from work, the store, or from picking the kids up from school… they parked (the one car the family owned) in their driveway or carport. Got out of the car and said hello and had a brief conversation with their neighbors and then went inside. If the phone rang, they answered it, eager to speak with the caller.

People belonged to civic clubs, people attended small churches, block parties were very common, and everybody knew their neighbors. Everyone showed up for the PTA spaghetti dinner.

Every kid knew every kid in a 3 block radius.

Then something changed… people became less concerned about interacting and more concerned with getting. The multimedia advertising revolution and our obsession with obtaining and protecting more stuff changed the way we looked at life.

Now, we drive our car payment into our gated neighborhood, pull into the garage, close the automatic door, and cocoon ourselves away from everyone. We like to be wrapped in our silk…500 cable channels of distraction, HDTV, surround sound, the internet 24/7, and our video gaming systems. Few of us have time for civic groups that give back. To meet our spiritual needs, we go to mega-churches and remain anonymous.

We open the junk mail (90% of what we get) over the wastebasket. All calls go to voice mail unless we like the caller’s ID. (We’re glad we signed up for the ‘no-call’ list.) We get the pop-ups just trying to weed through our junk email or navigate to our favorite websites. We turn on the TV and get the same ads that we heard in the car on the radio. The non-stop barrage tells us what we’re missing. They demand that we buy. The ad screams: “I want you to take action.” So we can have more stuff.

Call now, operators are standing by!

Don’t delay, supplies are running out!

Act fast, the sale ends tomorrow!

This new ______ is the best; get yours now!

Everybody wants something from us. Our careers want our precious time. The monster of materialism wants our precious money. We’ve been conditioned to be guarded. We are suspect of strangers, especially the ones with candy.

So a guy walks into a bar, eager to meet some new people. But those new people have been conditioned that everyone wants something from them. The guy walking into the bar, he himself the stranger, is conditioned. He’s heard it since he was 5 years old when McGruff the Crime Dog came to his kindergarten class and lectured his classmates. Every kid, now an adult in the bar, is conditioned: don’t talk to strangers.

So, he’s in the bar/club/lounge trying to meet people…

Hey, can I get your opinion?

What time do you have?

You’re hot, I can’t believe you expect me not to come over and say ‘hello’.

Do you guys come here often?

What are you drinking?

Do you know where ______ is?

_______fill in this blank with _________ (translation: I want something from you.)

We want: a laugh at our jokes, a warm response to our opener, her not to pull away when we claw, a hug, a smile, a kiss, you not to reject me, a free drink, the acceptance of your group, your time, your attention, your sex.

How about going out with the idea of not wanting anything from people? Give them a break, they are out trying to drink, socialize, party and take a break from everybody who wants something from them. They have a demanding boyfriend, girlfrend, husband, wife, kids, boss, room mate, or parent.

They may be there to celebrate a birthday/divorce/nuptials and just cut loose for awhile.

Be the Social Santa Claus with a big bag of good vibes. (They will want to sit on your lap later)

How about your group having fun and talking about what’s going on in your lives? This is what normal adults do: Let me tell you about my boss. You won’t believe what my cousin did. Let me tell you about the woman I met last night. Guess where I’m going next week. I got a promotion. I’m looking for a new job. I got a new dog. I shot a 90 at the golf course last Wednesday. I broke 25 minutes at the 5k. I’ve been hitting the gym hard. I’ve got this crazy client, you won’t believe this story.

You might need to get a life to talk about it.

Now a stranger walks by your group in the bar…

Hey what’s up? How’s it going? What’s the occasion? Where are your friends?

I’m great. Good times. Cheers. Have fun. Take care. Be well. We’re going here and there. We’re having a party.

They won’t be eager to walk away, and you may meet a new friend or lover.

Where was I at the beginning? Oh yeah…

I want something from you… on second thought, no I don’t.

I have what you want.

RHM

What does she brings to the table?

What a woman can bring to the table:

Nurture (physical affection, listening ear, words of encouragement)

Sexual relationship (she enjoys it, she initiates it, she seeks to please you)

Hospitality (cooking for you, has your favorite beverage, knows how to make people feel comfortable in your/her home)

Companionship (she is interested in helping you achieve your goals in life)

Child bearing (she has the desire and mental health to raise good kids)





Pay attention to the following signs… these women rarely bring anything to the table


Any three of these:

• She tells you how much she enjoys eating out

• She does not get sexual with you by the third date

• She tells you that she doesn’t cook

• She is affectionate but always asks what the next date is going to be

• She doesn’t invite you over just to hang out

• She says that she is taking an emotional risk with you

• She has predominantly couple/married friends

• She still lives with her parent(s)

• She is annoyed with children

The signs at her apartment or home:

• A little basket by the sofa filled with frayed cat toys.

• Dr. Phil's "Love Smart" on the premises

• Cat hair / cat smell on the furniture

• Overflowing shoe rack but no good liquor

• Fridge serves as more of a museum of condiments than a dispenser of nutrition. Only no one is curating it.

• Birth Control Packet with pills for Monday and Tuesday still in the case (it's Wednesday)

Now that you know what to avoid, here's what it should look like...


The home of the “single woman knows how to please a man”:

• Whole place is clean and well-kept
  

• A dog... clean and well-behaved

• Comfortable, matching furniture

• Choice of liquors and mixers

• Refrigerator stocked with real food

• Clean sheets and her bed is made

What she says:

• Do you like it when I touch you like this?

• I am cooking something you’ll love.

• Sit down, relax, let me get you a drink.

• You are a great guy.

• Hello, handsome.

• When can you come see me?

Yes, Virginia, there are still plenty of women like this and I have heard these things with my own ears…


RHM

Do you have an abundance mentality?

a·bun·dance [uh-buhn-duhns]
–noun

1. an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply



Abundance mentality: there are plenty of women out there who are attracted to me.



Some of the signs you have it:


You interact with everyone from a non-needy mindset.

You are a chill dude, who (acts like he) gets laid a lot.

You don’t get reactive when a woman doesn't respond well.

If a set goes bad, you don’t obsess about it.

If a set goes good, you don’t obsess about it.

If a woman ignores your calls/texts, you shrug it off.

You can have fun without trying to pickup women.




Some of the signs you don’t have it:


You think that your wingman is wasting a set and that you could do much better.

Beating yourself up mentally about how you could’ve performed better.

Blaming yourself when a woman acts nutty, flakes, or generally acts like a woman with you.

Thinking way too much about any one woman after an interaction, after a date, after sex.

Getting out of one relationship with a woman and jumping immediately back into another one.




RHM

Are you a sucker?

It's not my job/obligation/duty to feed or entertain a woman who I am interested in sexually. Buying meals/movies/drinks will not get you laid. Charm, charisma, and confidence will get you laid. I am interested in attracting and seducing her versus entertaining her.


Example #1: I met a woman and spent $4.63 on coffee for both of us. That's it. I had sex with her on 5 different occasions. Oops, one time I ordered a pizza delivery.

Example #2: I have been hanging out with another woman for 9 months; I took her to coffee once and to drinks another time. I have not bought her dinner or any gifts. And yes, she is a very pretty, great shape, sane woman.


Are all women like this? Probably not. But all woman will follow the ground rules you establish. If you start out buying/paying for everything... that's the way it's going to be with her. If you take turns paying, then you are on solid footing.


Here's something I think many guys learn deeply AFTER they have been married: Women will use you for your money. They have no qualms about it and their reward system is not fairly balanced. Just watch those Real Housewives of Orange County on that lame TV show.


Now, the younger American women still buy into this and have no problem letting you pay for a movies/meals/dates and still not give you any pussy.


So why spend the money? I cannot come up with a good reason yet. Oh yeah, I just thought of one: if the woman is staying at home to raise your child, go ahead and pay for the date. Other than that, you could be a sucker.


If I want a "date", I will invite a woman over & cook dinner for her for the following reasons. 1) If she says yes, she knows that sex is on the menu; 2) I establish myself as a socially calibrated man that is self-sufficient with most of his act together.



RHM

Maintaining Multiple Friends with Benefits...

Women enjoy sex as much men. Chisel that into the granite between your ears.


How does a guy maintain multiple friends with benefits?


One word.... F-R-A-M-E.


"I like your company, you like mine. I enjoy having sex with you. We can hang out when both of our schedules allow."



The tricky thing with FB's is that if you keep them long term they become a non-traditional girlfriend. I treat them nice but in a non-traditional way, meaning very few "dates."


They have an implicit understanding that there exist other women in your world. It's just not a good idea to go into details of who/what/where/when/how. And you certainly do not want to know who they are sleeping with besides you.


They will be watching your actions to see if you are communicating a deeper relationship. That's what many of them desire.



Here are my personal guidelines:


1) Phone communication/text message once weekly, maybe twice. Maintain space.

2) No gifts/romantic cards/notes/emails. If dinner, it's at her house. Maybe mine.

3) Relationship is of a sexual nature not a nurturing one, request for time = booty calls

4) Use compliments sparingly; especially in the heat of passion or the afterglow

5) Do not get emotional with them, only enough emotional push/pull that they know you have some iota of care for them

6) Henry Ford rule: always meet subordinates at their office, you can leave when you are finished (in case you missed that... meet at her house)

7) Twice a week with any one particular chick is the maximum. If you need more sex, go get another FB.

8 ) Limit overnight stays. Since it's a big emotional benchmark for a chick, staying overnight is usually too "boyfriend/girlfriend." Most guys do it to get the a.m. round of sex... try to maintain emotional space.



The whole relationship is a balance between: you using her and her using you. She will leave if/when a better deal comes along. Or you can let her fall by the wayside as you improve the quality of your rotation. A steady supply of sex will improve your bedroom skills, techniques, and stamina.


Now you have options, just like a hot babe...



RHM

It's simple... but will you do it?

Just a couple random thoughts I had while contemplating recent interactions with women:


- If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you. Talk to every woman you find attractive.


- Work twice as much on yourself as you do on your game. You will get more out of reading the books yourself than listening to a guru summarize it.


- Read, travel, study, fine tune your hobbies... become a man of substance. Your self-esteem will soar.


- Study game and you get some results. Become a man who has skills, goals, cultivated talents and the ability to communicate your passions... and you will get unbelievable results.


RHM

Culitvate your talents...

What would you attempt, if you knew you couldn't fail?


Part of becoming an attractive man (a man who attracts hot women) is to become a man of substance. There's more to you than just smooth talk and a pretty face. There's more to you than the last woman you took to bed.



Do you like photography? Hone your skills, become great at it.


Do you like music? Learn how to play an instrument, I recommend the acoustic guitar for it's general appeal and portability.


Do you like to cook? Watch the food network & practice. Wow her in the kitchen.


Do you like sports? Don't just be a gym rat, compete on the field. Run road races. Join a social sports league. Learn to play social sports like tennis & golf.


Do you like talking to people? Join a networking group. Join a meetup.com group. Go to upscale happy hours.


Do you like to travel? Go as many places as you can by plane, train, and automobile. There are probably some great places within 2 hours of your house. You will collect great stories.


Do you like helping people? Find a charity, relative or loved one that could use your assistance. Do it on a regular basis.



Finding a few of these things to be passionate about gives you substance. Other people recognize substance. Your passions make you attractive.


RHM

Know when to hold 'em... know when to fold 'em

Friday afternoon: I plan to meet a pretty woman for drinks. We're supposed to have coffee but she calls to change it to a bar/restaurant. Umm, ok. But I tell her I am not hungry and am not going to eat.


I meet her there and she asks if I mind if she eats something. I tell her that I agreed to meet for coffee but I am not buying her food. "If you want to get some food and pay for it, feel free to eat in front of me."


She order fajitas. Hmmm. A light snack. She drones on and on about her vampire ex-boyfriend who still controls her with witchcraft and is trying to get to her to do porn pics. (I kid you not.) For those of you who understand the terminology, she looked "oppressed."


About 30 minutes in, I found myself trying to figure out any way to salvage value from this interaction. But the whole thing was wigging me out and and my spidey-sense was telling me that she would probably try to stick me with the check. She had zero table manners as well, didn't pick up one utensil and talked with her mouth full.


I excused myself, went and paid the waiter for $3 for my soda and told him she was a nut-job. I came back to the table and said to crazy woman,

"I just paid the server for my drink. This whole thing is too strange for me. Best of luck."


I left her sitting at the table with her halfway through her meal and walked right out of the restaurant. Right out the door.


Here's the email she sent me...

"hey...

thanks so much for leaving me w/ the tab...that is so moral of a loser like you to do. I could care less what u think of me because no offense...you're not someone who anyone would be swooning over...u are a total dink and leech, and asshole...who can't pay for women not because u dont want to pay for them but probably because you want to steal and take from them yourself. That is soo sad and pathetic...women need to be warned of junk like you out there..it's one thing to not pay for someone but to steal and expect ppl to pay 'your' tab...that is a whole other low....im sure you'll get plenty of dates..ciao asshole/loser"



The total beauty of this is that she probably didn't have the money to pay for her food. I hope she got a good taste of her own games.


Would a woman still want you to take her to dinner if she was paying the tab?


RHM

The games women play

The hotter you think she is, the more likely you will succumb.


Before you think I am writing another sour note about women… consider the rising tide: Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Cosmo, Glamour, and countless others paint women out to be the victims.


Before it’s a foregone conclusion that women are victims, let’s take a look at some of the games women play very well. Not all women play all the games all the time. But all women play some of the games some of the time.


These games typically involve women seeking sponsors (men) who think approval, affection, and/or fidelity can be purchased. We are in an era when a woman can be President of the United States, when women deserve equal pay for equal work, when women can ruin a man’s reputation with a mere accusation… BUT the man is supposed to be the financial sponsor. Chivalry, my ass.


Bar Drinks: Getting all dressed up in the sexy “come-do-me” clothes they wouldn’t wear to the office. Then going to a bar knowing plenty of suckers will buy their drinks. Game-player flirts with the unsuspecting sap until it’s time to go. The really brazen game-player will ask outright, “buy me a drink, please.” You douche-bags who comply continue the bad precedent.


Last weekend I was out at a happy hour and decided to dive-bomb into a closed circle of five attractive women as my buddies watched the ensuing mayhem. I advise them that no men will talk to them if they have the wagons circled. They did their best with sarcastic comments to get me to leave tail-tucked into the night; but I was steadfast in breaking down their bitch-shields. The head cutie told me I should buy them a drink. I countered that they owed me for my bravado in putting up with their poor manners. She was verbally beating me back while her friend brought me two Michelob Ultras. I like this game.


No-strings attached hookups: I want you, you want me. After the rendezvous, the game changes. “I have a few expectations…” These boil down to you becoming her boyfriend


Lunches/Dinners: The infamous bad deal for the man. Read my article or Paul Janka’s about why this is such a bad idea. It seems best to just avoid the whole dining-out routine. If the woman really likes you for you, she’ll want to cook for you, or come to your house for dinner.

Yesterday, I met a 29 year old chick for coffee. There's no Starbucks near her house (how they missed her particular corner is beyond me) so reluctantly I take her to Appleby's for coffee. We had a good hour or more of conversation. The sexual vibe is on like donkey kong.

I am running out of time because it's the middle of the day... so the date has to end soon. She asks me if we are going to eat,

Chick: "Are we going to order some food?"
RHM: "Let's go to your house and you can cook me something. Are you a good cook?"
Chick: "I am a good cook, but I don't have any food to cook you."
RHM: "What?"
Chick: "I didn't eat and we've been talking a long time, I am hungry."
RHM: "no, the plan was/is to meet for coffee."
Chick: "but when the woman is hungry, that's the polite thing to do."
RHM: "I've run out of time, I have to get back"
Chick: "That's okay, order me some takeout to go."
RHM: "Look, I am not your Daddy, it's not my job to feed you"
Chick: "If you don't have the money, just say so."
RHM: "Oh I have the money, but I am not spending it"
Chick: " Well, I assure you I can buy my own... I am going to email you my bank statement."
RHM: "I am certain you have the money to buy lunch for the entire restaurant. (I am certain she doesn't), but that doesn't change my mind"
Chick: "Well, this is a date, this is what you're supposed to do"
RHM: "No babe. This is us getting to know each other. I've bought dinner before and never heard from the chick again. If we see each other again then we can have a 'date'."

Hard-core sexy pressure as she batted those big brown eyes. She mustered every ounce of feminine wiles... but I held the line.



Shopping: is any guy really this stupid? Nah…


Weekend trips: see above and just substitute the word “getaway” for “dinner.” Every girl wants to go to Vegas, New York, the beach or a cruise for the weekend. For some guys this is their version of pay-for-play. I am guilty, I’ve done it before. Just be careful to collect your “$200” when you pass Go. On the rare occasion, you get a screaming good travel deal when you wanted to get out of town anyways; AND you think the trade of your time and money will be returned in a weekend of gratuitous sex… then go for it. As long as you’re certain this particular woman will deliver the goods.


Co-habitation: I have a friend and this is killing him. No marriage, no kids, but a world of manipulation on her part. It’s kind of funny that some women miss the “co” part of that equation. These days you have a mortgage/rent, utilities, insurances, cable, internet, maintenance and grocery bills. Crack open your checkbook honey, you probably took some dude’s job in the marketplace.


Engagement rings: the penultimate finger trophy for the never-married. A couple years ago, I was acquainted with a woman going through a divorce with less than a year into the marriage. The husband wanted the $10,000 engagement ring back…how do you think that ended? Sorry about your luck sucker. Wait to buy the fancy diamond until she’s popped out a few offspring for you. Once she’s your baby-momma, whether happily-ever-after or divorce, she will always be in your life.


Baby-daddy: “We don’t need a condom, I’m on birth control.” Be especially vigilant with baby-less women in the 30-38 range who exude a ticking sound. After women conquer the marketplace, they feel compelled to conquer motherhood. Some feel justified to attempt these juxtaposed jobs simultaneously. My sympathy if you and your siblings were raised by this type of mother. Also be watchful with women from a significantly, lower socio-economic strata than you. You may be mistaken for Mr. One-Way Ticket to a new life.


Have I covered everything?


RHM