Bad advice from a pretty source...

 





















I never took this too seriously in my younger years, because I thought women were a good source of advice about women.  I can't stress this enough:  men need advice from MEN about dating and relationships.  Most western women (U.S. and western Europe) and male "experts" will give you advice from a post 1960's, feminist perspective.

Yes, that little movement really messed things up for American culture... ahh but that is another story for a another day.

Here's the problem, most women have not picked-up, dated, or been in a relationship with a woman. Most women hang on to the hope for a fairytale romance; and we all know those do not exist.  All women know a girl who knew a girl who was swept off her feet by a personal prince charming.  But if you could take a inside look the actual relationship between Prince Charming and Princess Entitled you would see challenges, jealousies, and conflict minor or major.  Most people put on a good face because they don't want the world to see their dirty laundry.


Your first thought may be, "Hey , tell me something I don't know. I already have this locked down."


Check it out though.... some guys rely on a woman's perspective at three junctions:

• upon meeting the really hot woman
  
• after they enter a relationship
• when he has isolated himself from his male friends
  

When she is really hot...

he thinks that this ONE is the exception to the rule.  She dictates to him the agenda for getting in her pants.  "You need to get to know me before we jump in bed."  "I like to be treated like a lady, take me to dinner."  "I am very cautious about getting intimate."  "I don't have sex on the first date."


After they enter a relationship...

she tells him how she wants to be treated based on her whims and emotions.  "I want to hang out with your buddies and you."  "You spend too much time with your friends." "You spend too much time with your family/kids."   "I need at least once date night a week."  "I can't cook for you all the time."  "I'm too tired to have sex every day."  "I know you watch your dietary habits, but I can't eat that way."  "Are you planning something special for the holiday?"



When he has isolated himself from his male friends...

now he has no sounding board, no one who will dare tell him the bitter truth. "I could move in with you."  "Let's plan our future."    "We should invest in my career."  "I really want a baby."  "We should take a big trip together."  "We should get a house of our own."


Now she has full influence over him barring an intervention by his concerned friends or family members.  Why do people always say, "well, I saw that coming..."  Why don't they have the guts to be candid when they see their friend headed for an emotional or financial cliff?


A few bits of good advice to keep your friend from careening off the cliff... (don't be surprised when she jumps out once you've hit bottom)

• Your family and friends were there BEFORE her
• Your family and friends will be there AFTER her
• Plan and pursue your dreams
• She must be a help to your personal, professional, and financial goals not a hindrance
• Work your plan and don't be sidetracked by her whims and desires
• Your money is yours, never hers
• Your time is yours, never hers

Tell them I said so...


RHM

What does she brings to the table?

What a woman can bring to the table:

Nurture (physical affection, listening ear, words of encouragement)

Sexual relationship (she enjoys it, she initiates it, she seeks to please you)

Hospitality (cooking for you, has your favorite beverage, knows how to make people feel comfortable in your/her home)

Companionship (she is interested in helping you achieve your goals in life)

Child bearing (she has the desire and mental health to raise good kids)





Pay attention to the following signs… these women rarely bring anything to the table


Any three of these:

• She tells you how much she enjoys eating out

• She does not get sexual with you by the third date

• She tells you that she doesn’t cook

• She is affectionate but always asks what the next date is going to be

• She doesn’t invite you over just to hang out

• She says that she is taking an emotional risk with you

• She has predominantly couple/married friends

• She still lives with her parent(s)

• She is annoyed with children

The signs at her apartment or home:

• A little basket by the sofa filled with frayed cat toys.

• Dr. Phil's "Love Smart" on the premises

• Cat hair / cat smell on the furniture

• Overflowing shoe rack but no good liquor

• Fridge serves as more of a museum of condiments than a dispenser of nutrition. Only no one is curating it.

• Birth Control Packet with pills for Monday and Tuesday still in the case (it's Wednesday)

Now that you know what to avoid, here's what it should look like...


The home of the “single woman knows how to please a man”:

• Whole place is clean and well-kept
  

• A dog... clean and well-behaved

• Comfortable, matching furniture

• Choice of liquors and mixers

• Refrigerator stocked with real food

• Clean sheets and her bed is made

What she says:

• Do you like it when I touch you like this?

• I am cooking something you’ll love.

• Sit down, relax, let me get you a drink.

• You are a great guy.

• Hello, handsome.

• When can you come see me?

Yes, Virginia, there are still plenty of women like this and I have heard these things with my own ears…


RHM

Know when to hold 'em... know when to fold 'em

Friday afternoon: I plan to meet a pretty woman for drinks. We're supposed to have coffee but she calls to change it to a bar/restaurant. Umm, ok. But I tell her I am not hungry and am not going to eat.


I meet her there and she asks if I mind if she eats something. I tell her that I agreed to meet for coffee but I am not buying her food. "If you want to get some food and pay for it, feel free to eat in front of me."


She order fajitas. Hmmm. A light snack. She drones on and on about her vampire ex-boyfriend who still controls her with witchcraft and is trying to get to her to do porn pics. (I kid you not.) For those of you who understand the terminology, she looked "oppressed."


About 30 minutes in, I found myself trying to figure out any way to salvage value from this interaction. But the whole thing was wigging me out and and my spidey-sense was telling me that she would probably try to stick me with the check. She had zero table manners as well, didn't pick up one utensil and talked with her mouth full.


I excused myself, went and paid the waiter for $3 for my soda and told him she was a nut-job. I came back to the table and said to crazy woman,

"I just paid the server for my drink. This whole thing is too strange for me. Best of luck."


I left her sitting at the table with her halfway through her meal and walked right out of the restaurant. Right out the door.


Here's the email she sent me...

"hey...

thanks so much for leaving me w/ the tab...that is so moral of a loser like you to do. I could care less what u think of me because no offense...you're not someone who anyone would be swooning over...u are a total dink and leech, and asshole...who can't pay for women not because u dont want to pay for them but probably because you want to steal and take from them yourself. That is soo sad and pathetic...women need to be warned of junk like you out there..it's one thing to not pay for someone but to steal and expect ppl to pay 'your' tab...that is a whole other low....im sure you'll get plenty of dates..ciao asshole/loser"



The total beauty of this is that she probably didn't have the money to pay for her food. I hope she got a good taste of her own games.


Would a woman still want you to take her to dinner if she was paying the tab?


RHM

The games women play

The hotter you think she is, the more likely you will succumb.


Before you think I am writing another sour note about women… consider the rising tide: Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ellen, Cosmo, Glamour, and countless others paint women out to be the victims.


Before it’s a foregone conclusion that women are victims, let’s take a look at some of the games women play very well. Not all women play all the games all the time. But all women play some of the games some of the time.


These games typically involve women seeking sponsors (men) who think approval, affection, and/or fidelity can be purchased. We are in an era when a woman can be President of the United States, when women deserve equal pay for equal work, when women can ruin a man’s reputation with a mere accusation… BUT the man is supposed to be the financial sponsor. Chivalry, my ass.


Bar Drinks: Getting all dressed up in the sexy “come-do-me” clothes they wouldn’t wear to the office. Then going to a bar knowing plenty of suckers will buy their drinks. Game-player flirts with the unsuspecting sap until it’s time to go. The really brazen game-player will ask outright, “buy me a drink, please.” You douche-bags who comply continue the bad precedent.


Last weekend I was out at a happy hour and decided to dive-bomb into a closed circle of five attractive women as my buddies watched the ensuing mayhem. I advise them that no men will talk to them if they have the wagons circled. They did their best with sarcastic comments to get me to leave tail-tucked into the night; but I was steadfast in breaking down their bitch-shields. The head cutie told me I should buy them a drink. I countered that they owed me for my bravado in putting up with their poor manners. She was verbally beating me back while her friend brought me two Michelob Ultras. I like this game.


No-strings attached hookups: I want you, you want me. After the rendezvous, the game changes. “I have a few expectations…” These boil down to you becoming her boyfriend


Lunches/Dinners: The infamous bad deal for the man. Read my article or Paul Janka’s about why this is such a bad idea. It seems best to just avoid the whole dining-out routine. If the woman really likes you for you, she’ll want to cook for you, or come to your house for dinner.

Yesterday, I met a 29 year old chick for coffee. There's no Starbucks near her house (how they missed her particular corner is beyond me) so reluctantly I take her to Appleby's for coffee. We had a good hour or more of conversation. The sexual vibe is on like donkey kong.

I am running out of time because it's the middle of the day... so the date has to end soon. She asks me if we are going to eat,

Chick: "Are we going to order some food?"
RHM: "Let's go to your house and you can cook me something. Are you a good cook?"
Chick: "I am a good cook, but I don't have any food to cook you."
RHM: "What?"
Chick: "I didn't eat and we've been talking a long time, I am hungry."
RHM: "no, the plan was/is to meet for coffee."
Chick: "but when the woman is hungry, that's the polite thing to do."
RHM: "I've run out of time, I have to get back"
Chick: "That's okay, order me some takeout to go."
RHM: "Look, I am not your Daddy, it's not my job to feed you"
Chick: "If you don't have the money, just say so."
RHM: "Oh I have the money, but I am not spending it"
Chick: " Well, I assure you I can buy my own... I am going to email you my bank statement."
RHM: "I am certain you have the money to buy lunch for the entire restaurant. (I am certain she doesn't), but that doesn't change my mind"
Chick: "Well, this is a date, this is what you're supposed to do"
RHM: "No babe. This is us getting to know each other. I've bought dinner before and never heard from the chick again. If we see each other again then we can have a 'date'."

Hard-core sexy pressure as she batted those big brown eyes. She mustered every ounce of feminine wiles... but I held the line.



Shopping: is any guy really this stupid? Nah…


Weekend trips: see above and just substitute the word “getaway” for “dinner.” Every girl wants to go to Vegas, New York, the beach or a cruise for the weekend. For some guys this is their version of pay-for-play. I am guilty, I’ve done it before. Just be careful to collect your “$200” when you pass Go. On the rare occasion, you get a screaming good travel deal when you wanted to get out of town anyways; AND you think the trade of your time and money will be returned in a weekend of gratuitous sex… then go for it. As long as you’re certain this particular woman will deliver the goods.


Co-habitation: I have a friend and this is killing him. No marriage, no kids, but a world of manipulation on her part. It’s kind of funny that some women miss the “co” part of that equation. These days you have a mortgage/rent, utilities, insurances, cable, internet, maintenance and grocery bills. Crack open your checkbook honey, you probably took some dude’s job in the marketplace.


Engagement rings: the penultimate finger trophy for the never-married. A couple years ago, I was acquainted with a woman going through a divorce with less than a year into the marriage. The husband wanted the $10,000 engagement ring back…how do you think that ended? Sorry about your luck sucker. Wait to buy the fancy diamond until she’s popped out a few offspring for you. Once she’s your baby-momma, whether happily-ever-after or divorce, she will always be in your life.


Baby-daddy: “We don’t need a condom, I’m on birth control.” Be especially vigilant with baby-less women in the 30-38 range who exude a ticking sound. After women conquer the marketplace, they feel compelled to conquer motherhood. Some feel justified to attempt these juxtaposed jobs simultaneously. My sympathy if you and your siblings were raised by this type of mother. Also be watchful with women from a significantly, lower socio-economic strata than you. You may be mistaken for Mr. One-Way Ticket to a new life.


Have I covered everything?


RHM

The poison they ingest...

You think the guy in my last post is crazy?


Heard this catchy tune on the radio... song by megastar Shania Twain.

Country music is B-I-G in America. Crossover artist get played ad naseum.

This is the kind of stuff that is programmed everyday into the minds of men & women:

"Any Man of Mine"

This is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
And I can be late for a date that's fine
But he better be on time

Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin' squeezin' pleasin' kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He's gotta be a heartbeatin' fine treatin'
Breathtakin' earthquakin' kind
Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yea"





We have a lot of work to do...


RHM

No apology necessary

Last week, a brazilian woman told me that one big difference, between American men and men in her country, is that American men apologize too much. What? Seems like we have been trained to be too polite. Cutting in line, bumping someone in a crowd, or some perceived rudeness must be followed by remorse.

Lots of times we apologize for just being men. Being aggressive, being bold, acting wild, and being sexually charged. I believe that the word "sorry" crosses our lips far too often.

We need to reframe our minds that many times "no apology is necessary."


I am a man, therefore:

I like sex
I am competitive
I piss standing up
I fight for my loved ones
I like bikinis
I like breasts
I like women's butts
I like legs (get the picture?)
I like a challenge
I like to walk in front
I am not afraid of the dark
I like to go fast
I catch what I chase
I know when not to chase
I belch (even when no one is around)
I like getting dirty
I flirt with women
I speak my mind


RHM

You're a man

I won't be the first in a long line of men who feel that western civilization has taken (is taking) something from men.

But I will make a confession, I (we/many of us) have allowed western culture to take away our manhood. Our masculinity. Our maleness. Our cojones. Inch by inch, we've lost precious ground to the feminism that seeks to destroy our natural roles as leaders, hunters, and protectors.


Attacking feminism directly, does little good. The good fight is personal change. Reclaim the ground you were born to hold. It's your birthright. I am talking about pursuing inner change, at the core of your identity. Learning to embrace the fact that you have testosterone coursing through your veins.

Along with many better men that have told you the same thing... I am here to say that it's okay to act like a man. Forget what your mother said, forget that teachers told you to behave, don't take the feminist party line from your wife, ex-wife, girlfriend or lover. Set your own stage. Determine on your own how you will behave or not behave.

It's up to you, and you alone. No one else is going to grab your big-boy pants from around your ankles and pull them up. Secretly, women want you to be strong. They just don't want to give back the power that you have ceded to them.


But guess what? We're taking it back, one brother at a time. Rock your world and theirs... take back your birthright. You're a man.

RHM