Confidence is key

Confidence.

You may not be 100% confident in every area of your life. Who is?  Play to your strengths. We have all seen the dude with women that seemed to be out of his league.  How did that dude get that chick??? He played to his strength.


Looks, charm, physique, conversation, humor, intelligence, dance skills.


Any one of these can open the door to interactions with women.  Be confident in the realm in which you excel, use that to make yourself comfortable talking to anyone.  Why?  Because you rock the conversation or the dance floor or the humor or the looks or the battle of wits.



Once the door is open, recognize attraction and act on it.


RHM

Everybody needs a mentor...

Whether it's throwing a baseball, swinging a golf club, or making a sales presentation... we all  learned it from somebody.  The problem is that your Average Frustrated Guy never had a father, big brother, or buddy (who was good with women) teach him what to say and how to act around women.

If you are not good with women, you WILL have to learn "how-to-do-it" from someone.

I've hung out with lots of guys.  I've seen the guys who score with women.   I've seen the guys that latch on to the first decent girlfriend they can find.  The guys that hang out with me have seen the good, the hot, and the ugly.  It's transparency among friends.

Here is the problem with gurus: you buy the marketing.  You have no actual idea of their ability to consistently get hot women or maintain mutually beneficial relationships with women.  You spend so little time with them, it's just not a mentoring relationship.


I had a buddy help me with women... we spent COUNTLESS hours of trial and error in social venues.  Trying, succeeding, and also failing.  He would give me honest feedback, sometimes brutal and he was also there to high-five me.


Every man, who ever became good at something, had a mentor.


Where will you find a mentor?  Are dvds and books the substitute for spending serious time with socially successful guys?  Will you try to learn it from routines?  Will you learn it all in a weekend bootcamp?

Will you find someone who lives in your city who is good with women?  Will you make the effort to be a good and reliable wingman?  Are you willing to bring something to the table in exchange for the help from others?

RHM

Super secret formula?

There is no super secret formula for seduction.

Find the women who are attracted to you and escalate the physical. 


In case you missed this day in school:  Women are generally attracted to the guys they find good-looking and cool.  There are women who run the gamut from homely to hot, so there are specific women who find YOU attractive.  A few women find Woody Allen attractive, most women find George Clooney very attractive.

If you want to attract more and hotter women, then you might want to become a more physically attractive guy:

• Lose some weight 
• Build some muscles
• Change your wardrobe
• Get a better hairstyle
• Take care of that breath

If you want to attract more and hotter women, then you might want to become a more socially cool guy:

• Become a good conversationalist
• Learn to dance sexy
• Develop interesting hobbies
• Plan and execute social gatherings
• Build a circle of cool friends

While you are improving yourself, and always, talk to enough women so that you find the percentage of women attracted to you.  You may only attract 5 out of 100 women.  Out of those five, maybe only one is ready, willing, and able to spend some alone time with you.  You'll need to improve your attractiveness while meeting another 100 women.

Work on the above things and you may find that 10 out of 100 women are attracted to you.  Out of those ten women; three are  ready, willing, and able to jump your bones.  Improve your odds by working on yourself instead of searching for some secret seduction technique.


Continue to talk to as many women possible and you will find the ones attracted to you.


Find the women who are attracted to you and escalate the physical.


Stay tuned for escalating the physical...



RHM

Better options with better women

Here's a tip for your game in 2010 (bet you already know this):


Physical and mental self improvement leads to

healthier self-esteem, which leads to

comfortable talking to women, which leads to

more easily recognize her attraction toward you, which leads to

confident physical escalation, which leads to

more sex, which leads to

less intimidated / more comfortable talking to women, which leads to

better at recognizing attraction, which leads to

more confident physical escalation, which leads to

better options with better women...


Enjoy,
RHM

Finding the proper balance

When I was young, dumb, and full of you-know-what...  I was in a co-dependent relationship with a woman.  This was a direct result of not possessing the proper social skills and confidence to give me better choices with women.  Have you ever felt like you settled for less than you deserved with a woman?


I first read Stephen Covey's bestseller "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" in 1990, it had a great impact on me.  His book introduced me to the notion of inter-dependence.  I am not regurgitating his work, rather, I will give you my take on the concept.  This is extremely important when you decide to have a relationship.


Picture a continuum between co-dependency on the far left and independence on the far right.

Co-dependent <-------------------------------->Independent


Some sign of co-dependency in your relationship:

Arguments / Poor communication / Lying
Extremely jealously / suspiciousness
Physical or emotional abuse (even if subtle)
Lack of proper boundaries for the management of time and money
Extreme need for approval
Controlling behavior
Fear of losing the relationship


Have you experienced this with a woman?  Does she use her emotions to influence your decisions? Would you like to end the relationship, but you fear hurting her feelings?  Are you isolated from your closest male friends?  Have you become financially dependent on her and cannot leave?


If I struck a nerve, it's only because I have felt these pains myself.  There's no judgment here, only help.



On the other end of the spectrum; you can have total independence from any relationship with a woman.  You are relegated to random sex with a string of women.  This is dangerous for the man who lacks relationships in other areas of his life:  i.e. no close friends, no children,  or no close immediate family members. 

How many close male friends do you have?
Do you often go out alone in search of a hookup?
Have you embraced a persona that would limit your job or business opportunities?
Are there any women you would like to keep in your life?


I strongly believe that many gurus in the pick-up community fall into this category.  A guy can become one-dimensional, emotionally detached, and lonely.  Be careful from becoming "that guy."



The best balance comes in relationships with inter-dependence:

Co-dependent <------- Inter-dependence ------------->Independent




What does a inter-dependent relationship look like?


She contributes nurture, sexual relationship, hospitality, companionship.
You are both content with your current standard of living.
You share a high quality of life for your current means.
You have best male friends, she has best female friends.
You both have a career/responsibilities and hobbies of your own.
You have mutual friends that you interact with as couples.
You can safely share your thoughts, struggles, and concerns with each other.
You both meet each others sexual needs.
You support each other's career goals, hobbies, and need for personal space.


It's a tough thing if you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship.  It takes a lot of courage to face the pain of breaking up an unhealthy relationship.  In the near future, you will be glad you did.  Remain in co-dependency and you will slowly die on the inside.

Brian Tracy asks this question in his seminars,  "What is the greatest waste of time?"


A bad relationship.


If you find yourself detached from others because of your behavior in chasing women, start with reconnecting your familial relationships.  At the same time, work at developing friendships with good male friends.  That is spelled T-I-M-E.  You become like those you hang around.


Don't settle for less than your potential.


RHM

Truth or hype?

So many dating and lifestyle coaches blast you with the must-have dvd, cd, podcast, groundbreaking material... I get the emails of misleading or exaggerated claims.  So many lately, that my head is spinning.  I rank them right up there with penis enlargement ads.


They taunt you with new information you must buy to stay relevant.  They often misread cause and effect.  Recently I read about the success of a young American in Brazil attributed to a guru.  Any American guy that takes even a mediocre game overseas is going to get mobbed by foreign cuties.

Do you believe the hype?  Is your penis really going to get bigger by taking the magic pill?

Guess what?

Men and women have been around a long time... and whether you believe evolution or intelligent design, basic human nature hasn't changed that much in the past few thousand years.

Even if you disagree with the long time line, there is no secret that has been unlocked in the past four years that is going to be your silver bullet.  I have witnessed guys who have paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to re-tool them to do better with women.  I don't see the radical change.

There are some good books on conversational skills with women, but the better books are the ones that enhance your ability to interact with anyone.  Any "guru" that charges thousands for a weekend, but has had sex with less than a few handfuls of women, is taking you for a ride. 


Men have been succeeding with women for a long time with:

• confidence
• good social skills
• rules of engagement
• a plan of action.
  

Focus on improving these basic components.  Lots of gimmicks work in the short run, but let me ask you this:

Do you really want to be in your post 20's wearing eyeliner or dressing like a Las Vegas lounge act?  What happens when you are done banging a hundred chicks and have no network of friends from various walks of life?  What happens when you want to shift your focus to economic success or a long term familial relationship?  Will you find that you wasted too much time chasing tail and not enough time making yourself a better man?

Keep it simple soldier, don't buy the hype.


RHM

Strengthen your frame

A frame is a structural system that supports other components.

Your mental/emotional/psychological frame supports all your social interaction skills.  If you have a strong frame you will have strong interactions.  Strengthen your frame and your skills will follow.  Strengthen your frame and others will be attracted to you.

What can you do to strengthen your frame?

Build relationships with like-minded male friends

Get some good male friends with some of the following qualities:

• Voracious readers
• Seasoned travelers
• Active athletes
• Wise investors
• Social experts
• Interested listeners
• Fun compatriots

Not everyone needs to orbit around you daily or weekly.  Don’t just ditch people who bring you down, because you may be the one bringing them up. Just create a little more time and space between you and them.  Those would be people who are addicted, negative, possessive, depressed, socially un-calibrated, or bizarre. 

Develop your spirituality

It’s not all by happenstance… there’s more to life than you can touch, see, feel, hear, and taste.  Find a path and devote some time weekly to it.

Stop chasing women

Don’t go out of your way to interact with a woman.  Think more like a hot babe.  Consider yourself to be the prize she seeks.

Read, read, read… 

•  Don’t over-indulge on self-help books. 
• Don’t consume yourself blind with health/nutrition/fitness materials.  
• Don’t overdose on fiction.  
• Read real life biographies of successful men, adventurers, leaders, world-changers, and humble heroes.

Invest time in your hobbies

Travel, play recreational/social sports (not just gym time), making music, photography, writing… whatever it is, become better at it.

These things keep your focus on a well-rounded, full life and less on the over-abundance or lack of sex in your life.  Strengthen your frame and be surprised to find who you attract.

RHM

How will you spend it?

Finding sex versus being social is the same difference as spending versus investing money.


Let’s look at money for a minute… Mmmm… money. Spending money provides immediate gratification; it feels good to buy something. You finally fulfill the want or longing that has been in your gut. The desire is quenched.



Let’s go shopping. Let’s spend some money and get some gratification. Everyone loves to do it. Men usually shop for toys… electronics, cars, boats, and recreational equipment.  The alternative to shopping is: to buy less and invest more.

No one gets too excited about investing. 

Investing creates long term benefits of wealth creation and subsequent dividends. Only a small percentage of people get excited about investing in financial instruments.


Shopping will make you poor. Investing will make you rich.


Read that again.


How does this relate to your social life?


When you attend a social function or go out for an evening with friends to different venues (bars, clubs, parties); you only have so much emotional energy to give away. Many are shy and never hit the wall, but believe me, meeting people, striking up conversations, and making friends takes energy. You only have a finite amount of energy to use before you need to recover.


Investing in social interactions with many people will reward you with a rich social life.

Will you spend your social energy OR invest your social energy?

Many guys squander their social energy on finding sex. Buy now, save later. They use their words and energy on finding a companion for the night. They ignore the process of making friends and creating advocates. Some of the best pick-up artists are guys that have very few close “normal” friends.


Spend the same energy in the ongoing work of creating a strong social sphere and you will find greater enjoyment in your social outings. Instead of going home empty-handed or stringing together a greatest hits list of one-night-stands, you will continue build your social network every week.


Investing will make you rich.



RHM

Another slice of rejection, anyone?

Fear of rejection is bad because of the REJECTION. No one likes it.

Unfortunately, many guys think they need to develop thick skin. It's counter-productive to act outlandish or corner a woman until the point she rejects you. It's a fruitless activity that makes you think you are actually strengthening your skills. Think of rejection more as a virus that eats away at your inside instead of a an external force trying to penetrate your epidermis.

Chasing sets you up for rejection.


The women that doesn't:

swoon at your opening line
return your text
return your call
keep the date you set

affects your inner state.


All these things chip away, little by little, at your self esteem. Instead of trying to build an immunity, limit the situations that create, opportunity for and depth of, emotional rejection.

Of course, it's silly to say, "we'll then, I won't ever approach a woman." I am not talking about opening. We, as the man, have to lead; but leading is creating the right framework for the interaction and setting the precedent for the relationship.


Chasing is following.


Best way to lead the interaction is to give her room to chase. Go easy on the phone calls and texts. Give her time and emotional space. Don't profess too much of your interest in her.


I know that I really falter on this when I meet a woman who I really dig. It's easy to act this way with your average female, but the hot women test my resolve.


I don't want anything chipping away at my self esteem.



RHM

Keep them coming back

Women like to return regularly to my house. I don’t have a big place, a hot tub, a pool or a plasma TV. But I make it a cool place to hang… it’s simple and any guy can do it.


Clean

• Especially the kitchen sink, kitchen floor, bathroom sinks, tub & toilets.
• Bleach is effective, inexpensive, and smells clean. Clean sends a good message.
• I don’t leave unfolded laundry in plain site.
• Clean sheets and my bed is made

Good hospitality

• I usually offer wine (correct size glasses), beer (ice cold mugs), iced tea, juices, or water
• I show then the bathroom first so they feel free to use it.
• I ask them if they are hungry. 99% of them say “no thanks.”
• Are you too cold? (set the thermostat cool for female guests.)
• Clean towels that I offer if they want to shower. Shower gel and a new, extra toothbrush is classy touch.

Comfort

• I have a comfortable couch.
• I have a big comfortable bed
• Candles are cool: ambient lighting and aroma
• I have no pets, but if you do, prevent the licking and slobber

Keep them coming back for more.

RHM

When scarcity is a good thing

The law of supply and demand point out that scarcity can raise demand. Gold, oil, diamonds... If you make your self completely available to a woman, she can have you anytime SHE wants. How many times has a woman not been available when you had a free evening?

Make yourself scarce to the girl. They call it playing hard to get. Too many guys jump at the chance to go on a date with a woman; and usually it is on the woman's terms.

The problem with dates…

How many dating websites give you a list of creative dates, top ten date ideas, best dating ideas… as if a "date" was the magical key to any relationship.

You’ll have a hard time wrapping your brain around this one if you haven’t been in a marriage or multi year co-habitation relationship. See if you can trust me on this one.

Taking a woman on a date is the opposite of scarcity. Dates set the tone that “I must win that person over.” Notice that I said “person” instead of girl. I have no problem being treated to a nice dinner or movie; neither do most women.

Winning the client – take them to lunch or dinner

Winning the stranger – buy them a drink

Winning the friend – bring them a gift

Winning the girl – ______________

How did you fill in the blank?

It sets the tone for the relationship: always trying to win her over.

Win her again and again with … better clothes, newer car, nicer house

When do you finally win this game? Never. Many guys just try to get out, after realizing that she will never be content. Why do you think that financial problems are stated as a top reason for divorce?

Never get into that game of winning her over.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to enjoy the companionship and all the wonderful things about a woman… her perspective, her soft skin, her feminine mystique, her respect, kissing, etc. BUT

My idea of a date, I cook for you or you cook for me. If she’s happy with that and treats me well, then we can consider going places.

Make yourself scarce.

RHM

The simple key to abundance...

If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you.

For you see, the ones attracted to you want to spend time with you. They make it easy. Many guys experience frustration because the object of their attention won’t reciprocate.

She doesn’t return may calls
She doesn’t return my texts in a timely manner
She is always too busy to get together


What if you didn’t worry about any one particular woman?

There is only one way to make this happen without wasting your time on the phone pursuing every attractive woman with your preoccupation for the next great conversational scheme to spark her passive interest.


The powerful phrase: Next, please.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s a famous line to console the lovelorn, but a fact indeed for those that don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of the one that got away.


Okay, you may concede my point, but you still feel that talking to a lot of women is difficult.

There are only two hurdles to abundance:

1) where to find women
2) what to say to women


Get ready to leap over hurdle #1.

Women are everywhere. Bars, clubs, lounges, college bars, college campuses, grocery stores, shopping malls, business mixers, social happy hours, networking events, and the list goes on. They are even at work. But, for the sake of your gainful employment… don’t hit on those women, just practice talking to them. Here's the secret... ready? Get off your ass and out the door.

Okay, throw that leg forward over hurdle #2.

Pickup lines are corny, creepy, or needy and usually some combination of the three. Normal conversation is socially acceptable and effective. You heard me right. Social dialogue is what people have after they get through the corny, creepy, or needy pickup game. I am here to let you know that you can take 5 minutes to travel the tunnel through the mountain instead of winding around the dangerous, steep pass for 30 minutes.


Women have no trouble “processing attraction,” they do it all the time. All you need to do is to have an acceptable exchange. She already decided in the first 30 seconds of meeting you, if you were sponge-worthy. If she’s not into you, you can politely end the interaction with your social value and dignity in tact. If she’s into you, she will let you know with her enthusiasm and her body language.


If you don’t know how to have normal conversation, get some help.


Do you know any friends that are good at social dialogue? I think you should spend more time with them.

Do you have any friends that make people feel weird and uncomfortable? Do they do outlandish things with their clothing and behavior to garner attention? I think you should spend less time with them.

You might need to seek out seek out some expertise.


Talk to enough women and you will find the ones attracted to you.


RHM

Please and thank you…

Do you remember when Barney the Purple Dinosaur told you (or your kids) that those were the magic words?

Well, ole Barney was right in teaching those manners to 5 years olds. However, those phrases are part of social transactions between people in our society. These words are simple building blocks of social calibration.

Your whole outlook on life and influence on people can change by the words you choose to use. Language is a strong tool; the pen is mightier than the sword. A giant ship is turned by a small rudder. The words you speak or omit to say, have a powerful effect on people.

Several weeks ago, I was out with some friends and for a few minutes I stepped away from our table to make conversation with some acquaintances. Moments later, my waitress approached me and advised, “Your friend is an asshole.” Calmly, I asked what happened. Well she replied, “He demanded that I get him a beer, he didn’t ask me… he demanded.”

Now I didn’t ask nor care to know which friend was the offending party, but I logged the exchange with the waitress as a lesson. Her emotional state is irrelevant; it’s a common social grace. More importantly, women notice the presence or lack of these social graces more than men. Women talk, word spreads quickly.

I waited tables in graduate school to support my family and scholastic expenses. Once you’ve been on the business end of someone who thinks they are above the hired help, it puts things into perspective.

Please and thank you…

Beyond demonstrating class (read: high value) when you are in the care of hired help, it is a powerful tool in your relationships with people. It is something that practiced enough becomes part of a mature social nature. It is for use with subordinates, family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, parents, children, and neighbors.

When you are in the business of sales, first impressions are priceless. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you are about the business of winning friends, influencing people, and creating advocates and opportunities; first impressions set the course for the interaction. Ask yourself: how do I come across to people? Serious, goofy, funny, threatening, rude, shy, nervous, or bold… I prefer classy or in other words, high value.

Socially calibrated actions demonstrate that you are a high-value person.

RHM

I want something from you…

Once upon a time in America, when someone came home from work, the store, or from picking the kids up from school… they parked (the one car the family owned) in their driveway or carport. Got out of the car and said hello and had a brief conversation with their neighbors and then went inside. If the phone rang, they answered it, eager to speak with the caller.

People belonged to civic clubs, people attended small churches, block parties were very common, and everybody knew their neighbors. Everyone showed up for the PTA spaghetti dinner.

Every kid knew every kid in a 3 block radius.

Then something changed… people became less concerned about interacting and more concerned with getting. The multimedia advertising revolution and our obsession with obtaining and protecting more stuff changed the way we looked at life.

Now, we drive our car payment into our gated neighborhood, pull into the garage, close the automatic door, and cocoon ourselves away from everyone. We like to be wrapped in our silk…500 cable channels of distraction, HDTV, surround sound, the internet 24/7, and our video gaming systems. Few of us have time for civic groups that give back. To meet our spiritual needs, we go to mega-churches and remain anonymous.

We open the junk mail (90% of what we get) over the wastebasket. All calls go to voice mail unless we like the caller’s ID. (We’re glad we signed up for the ‘no-call’ list.) We get the pop-ups just trying to weed through our junk email or navigate to our favorite websites. We turn on the TV and get the same ads that we heard in the car on the radio. The non-stop barrage tells us what we’re missing. They demand that we buy. The ad screams: “I want you to take action.” So we can have more stuff.

Call now, operators are standing by!

Don’t delay, supplies are running out!

Act fast, the sale ends tomorrow!

This new ______ is the best; get yours now!

Everybody wants something from us. Our careers want our precious time. The monster of materialism wants our precious money. We’ve been conditioned to be guarded. We are suspect of strangers, especially the ones with candy.

So a guy walks into a bar, eager to meet some new people. But those new people have been conditioned that everyone wants something from them. The guy walking into the bar, he himself the stranger, is conditioned. He’s heard it since he was 5 years old when McGruff the Crime Dog came to his kindergarten class and lectured his classmates. Every kid, now an adult in the bar, is conditioned: don’t talk to strangers.

So, he’s in the bar/club/lounge trying to meet people…

Hey, can I get your opinion?

What time do you have?

You’re hot, I can’t believe you expect me not to come over and say ‘hello’.

Do you guys come here often?

What are you drinking?

Do you know where ______ is?

_______fill in this blank with _________ (translation: I want something from you.)

We want: a laugh at our jokes, a warm response to our opener, her not to pull away when we claw, a hug, a smile, a kiss, you not to reject me, a free drink, the acceptance of your group, your time, your attention, your sex.

How about going out with the idea of not wanting anything from people? Give them a break, they are out trying to drink, socialize, party and take a break from everybody who wants something from them. They have a demanding boyfriend, girlfrend, husband, wife, kids, boss, room mate, or parent.

They may be there to celebrate a birthday/divorce/nuptials and just cut loose for awhile.

Be the Social Santa Claus with a big bag of good vibes. (They will want to sit on your lap later)

How about your group having fun and talking about what’s going on in your lives? This is what normal adults do: Let me tell you about my boss. You won’t believe what my cousin did. Let me tell you about the woman I met last night. Guess where I’m going next week. I got a promotion. I’m looking for a new job. I got a new dog. I shot a 90 at the golf course last Wednesday. I broke 25 minutes at the 5k. I’ve been hitting the gym hard. I’ve got this crazy client, you won’t believe this story.

You might need to get a life to talk about it.

Now a stranger walks by your group in the bar…

Hey what’s up? How’s it going? What’s the occasion? Where are your friends?

I’m great. Good times. Cheers. Have fun. Take care. Be well. We’re going here and there. We’re having a party.

They won’t be eager to walk away, and you may meet a new friend or lover.

Where was I at the beginning? Oh yeah…

I want something from you… on second thought, no I don’t.

I have what you want.

RHM

Do you have an abundance mentality?

a·bun·dance [uh-buhn-duhns]
–noun

1. an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply



Abundance mentality: there are plenty of women out there who are attracted to me.



Some of the signs you have it:


You interact with everyone from a non-needy mindset.

You are a chill dude, who (acts like he) gets laid a lot.

You don’t get reactive when a woman doesn't respond well.

If a set goes bad, you don’t obsess about it.

If a set goes good, you don’t obsess about it.

If a woman ignores your calls/texts, you shrug it off.

You can have fun without trying to pickup women.




Some of the signs you don’t have it:


You think that your wingman is wasting a set and that you could do much better.

Beating yourself up mentally about how you could’ve performed better.

Blaming yourself when a woman acts nutty, flakes, or generally acts like a woman with you.

Thinking way too much about any one woman after an interaction, after a date, after sex.

Getting out of one relationship with a woman and jumping immediately back into another one.




RHM

It's simple... but will you do it?

Just a couple random thoughts I had while contemplating recent interactions with women:


- If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you. Talk to every woman you find attractive.


- Work twice as much on yourself as you do on your game. You will get more out of reading the books yourself than listening to a guru summarize it.


- Read, travel, study, fine tune your hobbies... become a man of substance. Your self-esteem will soar.


- Study game and you get some results. Become a man who has skills, goals, cultivated talents and the ability to communicate your passions... and you will get unbelievable results.


RHM

Culitvate your talents...

What would you attempt, if you knew you couldn't fail?


Part of becoming an attractive man (a man who attracts hot women) is to become a man of substance. There's more to you than just smooth talk and a pretty face. There's more to you than the last woman you took to bed.



Do you like photography? Hone your skills, become great at it.


Do you like music? Learn how to play an instrument, I recommend the acoustic guitar for it's general appeal and portability.


Do you like to cook? Watch the food network & practice. Wow her in the kitchen.


Do you like sports? Don't just be a gym rat, compete on the field. Run road races. Join a social sports league. Learn to play social sports like tennis & golf.


Do you like talking to people? Join a networking group. Join a meetup.com group. Go to upscale happy hours.


Do you like to travel? Go as many places as you can by plane, train, and automobile. There are probably some great places within 2 hours of your house. You will collect great stories.


Do you like helping people? Find a charity, relative or loved one that could use your assistance. Do it on a regular basis.



Finding a few of these things to be passionate about gives you substance. Other people recognize substance. Your passions make you attractive.


RHM

Know when to hold 'em... know when to fold 'em

Friday afternoon: I plan to meet a pretty woman for drinks. We're supposed to have coffee but she calls to change it to a bar/restaurant. Umm, ok. But I tell her I am not hungry and am not going to eat.


I meet her there and she asks if I mind if she eats something. I tell her that I agreed to meet for coffee but I am not buying her food. "If you want to get some food and pay for it, feel free to eat in front of me."


She order fajitas. Hmmm. A light snack. She drones on and on about her vampire ex-boyfriend who still controls her with witchcraft and is trying to get to her to do porn pics. (I kid you not.) For those of you who understand the terminology, she looked "oppressed."


About 30 minutes in, I found myself trying to figure out any way to salvage value from this interaction. But the whole thing was wigging me out and and my spidey-sense was telling me that she would probably try to stick me with the check. She had zero table manners as well, didn't pick up one utensil and talked with her mouth full.


I excused myself, went and paid the waiter for $3 for my soda and told him she was a nut-job. I came back to the table and said to crazy woman,

"I just paid the server for my drink. This whole thing is too strange for me. Best of luck."


I left her sitting at the table with her halfway through her meal and walked right out of the restaurant. Right out the door.


Here's the email she sent me...

"hey...

thanks so much for leaving me w/ the tab...that is so moral of a loser like you to do. I could care less what u think of me because no offense...you're not someone who anyone would be swooning over...u are a total dink and leech, and asshole...who can't pay for women not because u dont want to pay for them but probably because you want to steal and take from them yourself. That is soo sad and pathetic...women need to be warned of junk like you out there..it's one thing to not pay for someone but to steal and expect ppl to pay 'your' tab...that is a whole other low....im sure you'll get plenty of dates..ciao asshole/loser"



The total beauty of this is that she probably didn't have the money to pay for her food. I hope she got a good taste of her own games.


Would a woman still want you to take her to dinner if she was paying the tab?


RHM

The life we live afterwards...

Robert Redford as Roy Hobbs in The Natural had this exchange with his intriguing love interest:

Iris: You know, I believe we have two lives.
Roy: How... what do you mean?
Iris: The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.


I know that many men have had this experience post-divorce. We had a “life we learned with” and a “life we live afterwards.” It’s very similar to the lives that men live after they become smooth around women and not some try-hard chump, mesmerized by the power of pussy.


Many of us are living a "life we live afterwards." I know, I've heard your stories.


Countless gurus claim the ability to teach men how to get women. Various game plans are championed and yet lots of men are self-taught naturals with women.


Can you be taught and given a set of tools OR do you morph into a “natural” with the ladies? Here are some common characteristics of men who attract women. These are the characteristics of men who have worked hard to become “comfortably myself” around women.


Be good looking

Be exciting

Be sexy

Be sensual

Be funny

Be mysterious

Be challenging

Be successful


I believe a man can work on himself and improve these areas of his life. The greater degree to which you possess more of the above characteristics will increase your sexual and relational options with beautiful women. If you follow suit, you will be living the "life we live afterwards."



RHM

Hey bro, what DO you want?

Worst line ever for guys, and you’d better never let it leave your lips:

Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) and Dorothy (Renee Zelwegger) watch the scene play out in the elevator between the deaf couple, he later repeats that sacrilegious line to her as his oath of love, “You complete me.” (Excuse me while I throw up.)


When I was 16 years old, all I wanted was a girlfriend. A cute one. A girlfriend that would bring some validation that I was cool enough, attractive enough, and man enough. I got one and she broke my little heart when she went away. I had ZERO clue how to attract women, all I knew how to do was chase. I repeated the same scenario when I was seventeen. I was caught in this cloud of bad thinking that having a girlfriend was some sort of proof that I was a man.


Oh, I got this girlfriend thing totally covered. Look at me, I am mature. When I was halfway through college, I thought that getting a wife would be the next benchmark of maturity. That’s the next step to adulthood – marriage. I better keep this woman - she will make a good wife. But, I had no clue about wife criteria… chalk one up to being 20 and thinking that I knew everything.


These same thoughts permeate the consciousness of most men. It comes at you at different ages and different stages. A man in his 20’s thinks, “I have to get a girlfriend.” A man in his 30’s thinks, “I have to get a wife.” But I am here to tell you that the woman is not the missing piece. She is the “helping” piece. She will have more respect for you if you are a whole person on your own.


There exists a big difference in a woman “completing” you versus a woman “helping” you achieve your personal mission in life. If she has her own agenda, she is not wifely material.


Here’s what you need to do to:

1) Read lots of books. Books on personal development. Books on self-actualization. Spiritual books. Books on financial management. Wealth-building books.

2) Talk to men who are older and wiser. Pay attention to the stories that surround your life.

3) Travel. Go other places. See the world. Taste other cultures.


Figure out who you are and what you want. It will change as you grow, but get a good idea of where you are and where you are going as a man, before you add a woman to the mix.


RHM