June 5, 2008

Please and thank you…

Do you remember when Barney the Purple Dinosaur told you (or your kids) that those were the magic words?

Well, ole Barney was right in teaching those manners to 5 years olds. However, those phrases are part of social transactions between people in our society. These words are simple building blocks of social calibration.

Your whole outlook on life and influence on people can change by the words you choose to use. Language is a strong tool; the pen is mightier than the sword. A giant ship is turned by a small rudder. The words you speak or omit to say, have a powerful effect on people.

Several weeks ago, I was out with some friends and for a few minutes I stepped away from our table to make conversation with some acquaintances. Moments later, my waitress approached me and advised, “Your friend is an asshole.” Calmly, I asked what happened. Well she replied, “He demanded that I get him a beer, he didn’t ask me… he demanded.”

Now I didn’t ask nor care to know which friend was the offending party, but I logged the exchange with the waitress as a lesson. Her emotional state is irrelevant; it’s a common social grace. More importantly, women notice the presence or lack of these social graces more than men. Women talk, word spreads quickly.

I waited tables in graduate school to support my family and scholastic expenses. Once you’ve been on the business end of someone who thinks they are above the hired help, it puts things into perspective.

Please and thank you…

Beyond demonstrating class (read: high value) when you are in the care of hired help, it is a powerful tool in your relationships with people. It is something that practiced enough becomes part of a mature social nature. It is for use with subordinates, family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, parents, children, and neighbors.

When you are in the business of sales, first impressions are priceless. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you are about the business of winning friends, influencing people, and creating advocates and opportunities; first impressions set the course for the interaction. Ask yourself: how do I come across to people? Serious, goofy, funny, threatening, rude, shy, nervous, or bold… I prefer classy or in other words, high value.

Socially calibrated actions demonstrate that you are a high-value person.



  1. Your blog is great. Keep up the good work.

  2. Hey man,

    That's a good post. I like taking the classy route even though I've seen many PUAs that are totally outlandish.

    We winged last year and I always wanted to tell you that I was impressed with your game. NOT just your game but the TYPE of game. I was never sold on totally indirect approaches until that night. I never thought that age was irrelevant until that night. I wanted to say thanks and I hope that your talk goes well and your future holds good things. I've always wanted to say hey to you but I lost your email and I just found your blog on u21.

    I wanted to conclude by apologizing for making out with that chick too. You miiiight remember, not sure. I was being stupid. Anyways man, take care.

    "The young black guy"


I like the robust exchange of ideas. Mature, relevant comments will be kept regardless of viewpoint.