Be a triple threat...

Threat one: Lifestyle

Your lifestyle has so much to do with who will be attracted to you. If you are a fun, social, outgoing guy with good people skills you will attract fun, social women who like to go out. Push yourself to become more friendly cool (not clingy creepy) and draw more folks into your sphere of influence.

What can you do today to expand your social circle and improve your friendships?

• Send a text to your buddy.  
• Check in with new friends. 
• Make definite plans to hangout together.
  

Threat two: Sex

Someone posed this question to me a year ago: "How do you find girls like sex?  in other words whats the best way to sex them up" 

Here's my experience:

• Women like sex with guys they like. 
• Women enjoy sex with guys they like who know how get them off.
• Women will hang on to guys that are lackluster in the sack as long as they like him outside the bedroom.
• Women will chase and sponsor guys they like who know how to get them off.
  

The best way I have found to bang her (so that I get invited back) is the way that gives her an orgasm.  Find out what gets her off and then decide if you like doing that.  Find out if she likes doing what gets you off.  It's called sexual compatibility.

Sometimes the situation calls for foreplay.  Sometimes the situation calls for fast action.  There is an almost infinite combination of foreplay, positions, and sexual acts.  Your confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac for her.


Threat three: Intrigue

Here's a real life example...

1) I met this woman and we exchanged phone numbers after the first encounter.  Two days later I had a 20 minutes conversation with her.

2) I did not text her or call her incessantly after that.

3) Three weeks after that, I saw her in a bar and suggested we go bounce somewhere private.  She agreed but we failed to connect later that night. No nookie.

4) I did not call her or text her incessantly.

5) She admitted that she was "playing hard to get" aka trying to get me to chase.  She said, "but you didn't bite."


The alternate course of action, which I would have taken early in my dating development, would have been to call her, text her, try to bait her with some clever line or conversation.  If you can grasp this concept, you will take the tunnel through the mountain instead of the long, winding trail around the mountain.

Why did I not care to chase her?  Because I have a lot of other options with women.  Sure I wanted to eventually have sex with her, but I wasn't worried or obsessed with it happening.  Women can sense this in you. You should employ this approach, my friend.

I see "need/obsession" in a lot of guys when I go out to clubs.  Women want you to chase them.  They want the power position.  My philosophy is to keep the power to myself.

I quote my very good friend on this, "Attraction is not a choice neither can it be forced."  If it's there, you can let it simmer.  By not chasing this girl, I retained my status as a desirable prize to her.  If the attraction isn't there, drop her and go talk to other women.

Eventually I ran into her again out with friends,  we both knew it was on for an after-party.  She still tried to get me to chase her, "I can't have sex with you here (in my friend's house... with my friends around)."  Of course she knew what we both wanted, but I was not desperate.  I crawled into a bed alone around 4am, she joined me a few minutes later.  This indifference is a powerful tool on a woman's psyche.  Compared to the option of begging or trying to force it; I choose intriguing indifference.

Be a triple threat and see how women respond.  You might get more than you can handle.


RHM

Another slice of rejection, anyone?

Fear of rejection is bad because of the REJECTION. No one likes it.

Unfortunately, many guys think they need to develop thick skin. It's counter-productive to act outlandish or corner a woman until the point she rejects you. It's a fruitless activity that makes you think you are actually strengthening your skills. Think of rejection more as a virus that eats away at your inside instead of a an external force trying to penetrate your epidermis.

Chasing sets you up for rejection.


The women that doesn't:

swoon at your opening line
return your text
return your call
keep the date you set

affects your inner state.


All these things chip away, little by little, at your self esteem. Instead of trying to build an immunity, limit the situations that create, opportunity for and depth of, emotional rejection.

Of course, it's silly to say, "we'll then, I won't ever approach a woman." I am not talking about opening. We, as the man, have to lead; but leading is creating the right framework for the interaction and setting the precedent for the relationship.


Chasing is following.


Best way to lead the interaction is to give her room to chase. Go easy on the phone calls and texts. Give her time and emotional space. Don't profess too much of your interest in her.


I know that I really falter on this when I meet a woman who I really dig. It's easy to act this way with your average female, but the hot women test my resolve.


I don't want anything chipping away at my self esteem.



RHM

Keep them coming back

Women like to return regularly to my house. I don’t have a big place, a hot tub, a pool or a plasma TV. But I make it a cool place to hang… it’s simple and any guy can do it.


Clean

• Especially the kitchen sink, kitchen floor, bathroom sinks, tub & toilets.
• Bleach is effective, inexpensive, and smells clean. Clean sends a good message.
• I don’t leave unfolded laundry in plain site.
• Clean sheets and my bed is made

Good hospitality

• I usually offer wine (correct size glasses), beer (ice cold mugs), iced tea, juices, or water
• I show then the bathroom first so they feel free to use it.
• I ask them if they are hungry. 99% of them say “no thanks.”
• Are you too cold? (set the thermostat cool for female guests.)
• Clean towels that I offer if they want to shower. Shower gel and a new, extra toothbrush is classy touch.

Comfort

• I have a comfortable couch.
• I have a big comfortable bed
• Candles are cool: ambient lighting and aroma
• I have no pets, but if you do, prevent the licking and slobber

Keep them coming back for more.

RHM

When scarcity is a good thing

The law of supply and demand point out that scarcity can raise demand. Gold, oil, diamonds... If you make your self completely available to a woman, she can have you anytime SHE wants. How many times has a woman not been available when you had a free evening?

Make yourself scarce to the girl. They call it playing hard to get. Too many guys jump at the chance to go on a date with a woman; and usually it is on the woman's terms.

The problem with dates…

How many dating websites give you a list of creative dates, top ten date ideas, best dating ideas… as if a "date" was the magical key to any relationship.

You’ll have a hard time wrapping your brain around this one if you haven’t been in a marriage or multi year co-habitation relationship. See if you can trust me on this one.

Taking a woman on a date is the opposite of scarcity. Dates set the tone that “I must win that person over.” Notice that I said “person” instead of girl. I have no problem being treated to a nice dinner or movie; neither do most women.

Winning the client – take them to lunch or dinner

Winning the stranger – buy them a drink

Winning the friend – bring them a gift

Winning the girl – ______________

How did you fill in the blank?

It sets the tone for the relationship: always trying to win her over.

Win her again and again with … better clothes, newer car, nicer house

When do you finally win this game? Never. Many guys just try to get out, after realizing that she will never be content. Why do you think that financial problems are stated as a top reason for divorce?

Never get into that game of winning her over.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to enjoy the companionship and all the wonderful things about a woman… her perspective, her soft skin, her feminine mystique, her respect, kissing, etc. BUT

My idea of a date, I cook for you or you cook for me. If she’s happy with that and treats me well, then we can consider going places.

Make yourself scarce.

RHM

The simple key to abundance...

If you talk to enough women, you will find the ones attracted to you.

For you see, the ones attracted to you want to spend time with you. They make it easy. Many guys experience frustration because the object of their attention won’t reciprocate.

She doesn’t return may calls
She doesn’t return my texts in a timely manner
She is always too busy to get together


What if you didn’t worry about any one particular woman?

There is only one way to make this happen without wasting your time on the phone pursuing every attractive woman with your preoccupation for the next great conversational scheme to spark her passive interest.


The powerful phrase: Next, please.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s a famous line to console the lovelorn, but a fact indeed for those that don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of the one that got away.


Okay, you may concede my point, but you still feel that talking to a lot of women is difficult.

There are only two hurdles to abundance:

1) where to find women
2) what to say to women


Get ready to leap over hurdle #1.

Women are everywhere. Bars, clubs, lounges, college bars, college campuses, grocery stores, shopping malls, business mixers, social happy hours, networking events, and the list goes on. They are even at work. But, for the sake of your gainful employment… don’t hit on those women, just practice talking to them. Here's the secret... ready? Get off your ass and out the door.

Okay, throw that leg forward over hurdle #2.

Pickup lines are corny, creepy, or needy and usually some combination of the three. Normal conversation is socially acceptable and effective. You heard me right. Social dialogue is what people have after they get through the corny, creepy, or needy pickup game. I am here to let you know that you can take 5 minutes to travel the tunnel through the mountain instead of winding around the dangerous, steep pass for 30 minutes.


Women have no trouble “processing attraction,” they do it all the time. All you need to do is to have an acceptable exchange. She already decided in the first 30 seconds of meeting you, if you were sponge-worthy. If she’s not into you, you can politely end the interaction with your social value and dignity in tact. If she’s into you, she will let you know with her enthusiasm and her body language.


If you don’t know how to have normal conversation, get some help.


Do you know any friends that are good at social dialogue? I think you should spend more time with them.

Do you have any friends that make people feel weird and uncomfortable? Do they do outlandish things with their clothing and behavior to garner attention? I think you should spend less time with them.

You might need to seek out seek out some expertise.


Talk to enough women and you will find the ones attracted to you.


RHM

Please and thank you…

Do you remember when Barney the Purple Dinosaur told you (or your kids) that those were the magic words?

Well, ole Barney was right in teaching those manners to 5 years olds. However, those phrases are part of social transactions between people in our society. These words are simple building blocks of social calibration.

Your whole outlook on life and influence on people can change by the words you choose to use. Language is a strong tool; the pen is mightier than the sword. A giant ship is turned by a small rudder. The words you speak or omit to say, have a powerful effect on people.

Several weeks ago, I was out with some friends and for a few minutes I stepped away from our table to make conversation with some acquaintances. Moments later, my waitress approached me and advised, “Your friend is an asshole.” Calmly, I asked what happened. Well she replied, “He demanded that I get him a beer, he didn’t ask me… he demanded.”

Now I didn’t ask nor care to know which friend was the offending party, but I logged the exchange with the waitress as a lesson. Her emotional state is irrelevant; it’s a common social grace. More importantly, women notice the presence or lack of these social graces more than men. Women talk, word spreads quickly.

I waited tables in graduate school to support my family and scholastic expenses. Once you’ve been on the business end of someone who thinks they are above the hired help, it puts things into perspective.

Please and thank you…

Beyond demonstrating class (read: high value) when you are in the care of hired help, it is a powerful tool in your relationships with people. It is something that practiced enough becomes part of a mature social nature. It is for use with subordinates, family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, parents, children, and neighbors.

When you are in the business of sales, first impressions are priceless. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. When you are about the business of winning friends, influencing people, and creating advocates and opportunities; first impressions set the course for the interaction. Ask yourself: how do I come across to people? Serious, goofy, funny, threatening, rude, shy, nervous, or bold… I prefer classy or in other words, high value.

Socially calibrated actions demonstrate that you are a high-value person.

RHM

What does she brings to the table?

What a woman can bring to the table:

Nurture (physical affection, listening ear, words of encouragement)

Sexual relationship (she enjoys it, she initiates it, she seeks to please you)

Hospitality (cooking for you, has your favorite beverage, knows how to make people feel comfortable in your/her home)

Companionship (she is interested in helping you achieve your goals in life)

Child bearing (she has the desire and mental health to raise good kids)





Pay attention to the following signs… these women rarely bring anything to the table


Any three of these:

• She tells you how much she enjoys eating out

• She does not get sexual with you by the third date

• She tells you that she doesn’t cook

• She is affectionate but always asks what the next date is going to be

• She doesn’t invite you over just to hang out

• She says that she is taking an emotional risk with you

• She has predominantly couple/married friends

• She still lives with her parent(s)

• She is annoyed with children

The signs at her apartment or home:

• A little basket by the sofa filled with frayed cat toys.

• Dr. Phil's "Love Smart" on the premises

• Cat hair / cat smell on the furniture

• Overflowing shoe rack but no good liquor

• Fridge serves as more of a museum of condiments than a dispenser of nutrition. Only no one is curating it.

• Birth Control Packet with pills for Monday and Tuesday still in the case (it's Wednesday)

Now that you know what to avoid, here's what it should look like...


The home of the “single woman knows how to please a man”:

• Whole place is clean and well-kept
  

• A dog... clean and well-behaved

• Comfortable, matching furniture

• Choice of liquors and mixers

• Refrigerator stocked with real food

• Clean sheets and her bed is made

What she says:

• Do you like it when I touch you like this?

• I am cooking something you’ll love.

• Sit down, relax, let me get you a drink.

• You are a great guy.

• Hello, handsome.

• When can you come see me?

Yes, Virginia, there are still plenty of women like this and I have heard these things with my own ears…


RHM

Do you have an abundance mentality?

a·bun·dance [uh-buhn-duhns]
–noun

1. an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply



Abundance mentality: there are plenty of women out there who are attracted to me.



Some of the signs you have it:


You interact with everyone from a non-needy mindset.

You are a chill dude, who (acts like he) gets laid a lot.

You don’t get reactive when a woman doesn't respond well.

If a set goes bad, you don’t obsess about it.

If a set goes good, you don’t obsess about it.

If a woman ignores your calls/texts, you shrug it off.

You can have fun without trying to pickup women.




Some of the signs you don’t have it:


You think that your wingman is wasting a set and that you could do much better.

Beating yourself up mentally about how you could’ve performed better.

Blaming yourself when a woman acts nutty, flakes, or generally acts like a woman with you.

Thinking way too much about any one woman after an interaction, after a date, after sex.

Getting out of one relationship with a woman and jumping immediately back into another one.




RHM

The life we live afterwards...

Robert Redford as Roy Hobbs in The Natural had this exchange with his intriguing love interest:

Iris: You know, I believe we have two lives.
Roy: How... what do you mean?
Iris: The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.


I know that many men have had this experience post-divorce. We had a “life we learned with” and a “life we live afterwards.” It’s very similar to the lives that men live after they become smooth around women and not some try-hard chump, mesmerized by the power of pussy.


Many of us are living a "life we live afterwards." I know, I've heard your stories.


Countless gurus claim the ability to teach men how to get women. Various game plans are championed and yet lots of men are self-taught naturals with women.


Can you be taught and given a set of tools OR do you morph into a “natural” with the ladies? Here are some common characteristics of men who attract women. These are the characteristics of men who have worked hard to become “comfortably myself” around women.


Be good looking

Be exciting

Be sexy

Be sensual

Be funny

Be mysterious

Be challenging

Be successful


I believe a man can work on himself and improve these areas of his life. The greater degree to which you possess more of the above characteristics will increase your sexual and relational options with beautiful women. If you follow suit, you will be living the "life we live afterwards."



RHM

No apology necessary

Last week, a brazilian woman told me that one big difference, between American men and men in her country, is that American men apologize too much. What? Seems like we have been trained to be too polite. Cutting in line, bumping someone in a crowd, or some perceived rudeness must be followed by remorse.

Lots of times we apologize for just being men. Being aggressive, being bold, acting wild, and being sexually charged. I believe that the word "sorry" crosses our lips far too often.

We need to reframe our minds that many times "no apology is necessary."


I am a man, therefore:

I like sex
I am competitive
I piss standing up
I fight for my loved ones
I like bikinis
I like breasts
I like women's butts
I like legs (get the picture?)
I like a challenge
I like to walk in front
I am not afraid of the dark
I like to go fast
I catch what I chase
I know when not to chase
I belch (even when no one is around)
I like getting dirty
I flirt with women
I speak my mind


RHM

I kissed dating goodbye

It’s over. The fat lady has sung. Elvis has left the building.

The idea of traditional dating doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Does it appeal to you? If it does, you should have your head examined.

It goes something like this:

Boy meets girl
Boy likes girl
Boy asks girl to _________
Boy drives to pick up girl
Boy pays for ___________
Boy drives girl home
Boy gets a kiss on the cheek and a hug for his efforts.


Lots of resources and experts abound for "how to meet women." With some social skills and a little effort, it’s not too difficult.

As a teenager, my mother would ask me every year what I wanted for Christmas. I would always reply “something five-foot-two and eyes of blue” under the tree. She would laugh and say, “you wouldn’t know what to do with her.”

We know what Mom meant, but I think her words are profound.

What ARE you going to do when you get one?


Wine and dine? Woo and coo? Tell her how wonderful you think she is (because that’s what women say they want)? Spoil her? Pamper her? Stay up all night talking? Drop all your friends to spend time with her? Marry her?

Dating ads are ripe with requests from women for a “man” that will do all these things. It’s funny because they are describing their best girlfriend.


Here’s what you should do when you get one:

Hang out with your man friends just like always.
Dole out those compliments to her sparingly.
Speak your mind, don’t tiptoe around her feelings.
Have her cook for you.
Tell her no, often. You heard me, “NO.”
Keep her hands off your money. Do not pay for her necessities (clothes, food, rent, etc)
Take her to do the things you want to do.
Be creative and spend less money on activities (parks, lakes, beaches, coffee houses...)
Limit the amount of time you spend together.
Let her calls go to voice mail, answer sparingly.
Still look at and talk to other women. She’s not your wife.


If she sticks around, it’s because she likes YOU. She should stick around because of your identity as a man, not just what you can provide.


Please, please, please… don’t get sucked into her harlequin novel. A good man is hard to find, make her earn her keep.



RHM

Travel outside your comfort zone...

If your picture of the human existence only comes from America, you need to see the world live and in-person. Here's some benefits of seeing the third world:


You will more greatly appreciate our level of prosperity in America
You will be thankful for American infrastructures
You will be challenged to learn another language
You will see that machismo is expected of men
You will see how well women can treat men
You will eat great food
You will see abject poverty
You will see some of the happiest people living simple lives
You will see smiling children who have never played a video game
You will reconsider your personal quest for material possessions
You will see that family/friends, a simple meal, plus some music equals a great party


RHM