June 1, 2007

Dating Expectations

In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner as Crash Davis tells the leading lady what he believes in:

“Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

As a man, what do you believe?

What do you believe your relationships should look like?

Will you let advertising, television, movies, and novels set the tone for her expectations? If so, you will be treating her to dinner and movie, dinner and a show, dinner and a concert, dinner and dancing…

You might kiss her on the second date.
You might have sex AFTER a few weeks of proving you won’t love ‘em and leave ‘em.
Dates, flowers, gifts, jewelry… are the expectations.
You are the social director (and you had better be damn good at it.)
Yes, all these things are inculcated into a woman’s brain as standard-operating-procedure for romance and dating.

Attention men: you have permission to behave differently.

Are these your expectations?

Kiss, hug, and touch her on the first date.
Three dates and no sex… NEXT.
Ask her what she’s cooking you for dinner… at her place.
Don’t call her everyday.
Gifts… a small one maybe on her birthday, but after you have known her awhile.
Watch a movie at her house or yours with some wine and sex.
She should be willing to have sex whenever you want sex.
Trips… ummm. Never take sand to the beach.

She needs to demonstrate that she is worthy of your time and energy. Tell her this, “I trust my mother, all other women have to prove themselves.”

You are the man… leader, hunter, and protector. She has to be worthy of the character and strength you have developed over the years. You have been shot down by women, you have busted your ass for the boss, and you have overcome challenges in school and the marketplace to become who you are today. She’s lucky that you have chosen to spend time with her.

I have explained this frame to women and they laugh and say, “well, you will be a lonely guy.” Not so, not by a long shot. They say this because they only have words as weapons. They want you to be strong but they do not want to give up the power we have ceded to them.

Change the frame. If you are in a relationship, it is going to be difficult to correct course. It’s like a ship that goes off course by the slightest degree. With each passing day the ship is farther and farther from the correct direction.

You may have to start over. With a new woman.

Yes, for real, with a different woman.


No comments:

Post a Comment

I like the robust exchange of ideas. Mature, relevant comments will be kept regardless of viewpoint.