July 18, 2007

Watch what they do, not what they say…






I will admit that in my weaker moments I have watched a chick flick. Hiss booo. However, one of my favorite movie lines comes from “As Good as It Gets.” Jack Nicholson, as novelist Melvin Udell, has this classic exchange with his publisher’s receptionist:

Receptionist: (fawning over Melvin) "How do you write women so well?
Melvin: "I think of a man and take away reason and accountability.”


That's so enlightened, it’s scary. How many times have you felt like your crush/date/girlfriend/wife was saying one thing and doing another. This is that "lack of reason and accountability." It shows she is ruled by her emotions.


Here’s a pertinent piece of wisdom... self-discovered by many men on the road to relational maturity:


Don’t believe what women SAY, watch what they DO.


Men are hounded to be “good” listeners… that’s what all the relationship books tell us. Why do they have to tell this to men? Intuitively, over time, we men have learned that much of what women say is “white noise.”


It’s better to make your decisions based on keen observation of behavior.


Did you get that? Let me say it another way.


It’s better to make your decisions based on keen observation of behavior.


Here are some examples:

Women bitch about “how bad men are” and yet continually tolerate/accept their boyfriend’s or husband’s bad behavior. (Note: it wouldn’t hurt the average American male to be more of a bad boy)

Women complain about men sleeping around; but who do you think we are sleeping with? That's right, women.

Women say, “I have a husband/fiancé/boyfriend;” yet she’s out with her single friends. Twenty minutes later, you see her performing a tonsillectomy, with her tongue, on some guy she just met.

Women tell us “buy a woman a drink if you are interested in her"; and yet, it sets you up as a chump in their eyes.

Women say, “I am really into you / I like you / I want to spend time with you” but they shut you down in the bedroom.

Women say they want to meet a nice guy, but act nice and you will be filed in the “let’s just be friends” category.

Women say "I just want to be your friend"; okay cool, but how come you're not reaching for your wallet when the bill comes, Missy? Friends go dutch, right?

Woman says, "I am saving myself for marriage," dig a little and you discover she does everything but vaginal sex.



On a more positive note:

She calls you an "asshole"; she is turned on by your masculinity.

She says, “I don’t want to have sex with you”; she cannot get that idea off her mind.

She tells you “no”; she is testing you to see if you are man enough to disagree.

She says “we really shouldn’t be doing this”; she is having a great time.



Rather confusing, isn’t it all? Once your brain gets re-programmed with this little insight, you will be able to discern between the white noise and her true desires.


RHM

2 comments:

  1. Women say, “I am really into you / I like you / I want to spend time with you” but they shut you down in the bedroom.




    This is really the situation...I think. I have no desire to spend a month playing "bodyfriend"

    VtI

    ReplyDelete
  2. RHM this is probably the single most important thing I have learned in managing relationships. And very well put.

    Anyone who hasnt been forced to learn this the hard way would do well to take this lesson on faith.

    Honestly, if I had known this 3 years ago, we probably wouldnt have met.

    asdfn

    ReplyDelete

I like the robust exchange of ideas. Mature, relevant comments will be kept regardless of viewpoint.