So many dating and lifestyle coaches blast you with the must-have dvd, cd, podcast, groundbreaking material... I get the emails of misleading or exaggerated claims. So many lately, that my head is spinning. I rank them right up there with penis enlargement ads.
They taunt you with new information you must buy to stay relevant. They often misread cause and effect. Recently I read about the success of a young American in Brazil attributed to a guru. Any American guy that takes even a mediocre game overseas is going to get mobbed by foreign cuties.
Do you believe the hype? Is your penis really going to get bigger by taking the magic pill?
Guess what?
Men and women have been around a long time... and whether you believe evolution or intelligent design, basic human nature hasn't changed that much in the past few thousand years.
Even if you disagree with the long time line, there is no secret that has been unlocked in the past four years that is going to be your silver bullet. I have witnessed guys who have paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to re-tool them to do better with women. I don't see the radical change.
There are some good books on conversational skills with women, but the better books are the ones that enhance your ability to interact with anyone. Any "guru" that charges thousands for a weekend, but has had sex with less than a few handfuls of women, is taking you for a ride.
Men have been succeeding with women for a long time with:
- confidence
- good social skills
- rules of engagement
- a plan of action.
Focus on improving these basic components. Lots of gimmicks work in the short run, but let me ask you this:
Do you really want to be in your post 20's wearing eyeliner or dressing like a Las Vegas lounge act? What happens when you are done banging a hundred chicks and have no network of friends from various walks of life? What happens when you want to shift your focus to economic success or a long term familial relationship? Will you find that you wasted too much time chasing tail and not enough time making yourself a better man?
Keep it simple soldier, don't buy the hype.
RHM
Another great post!
ReplyDeleteAnother way of looking at is “the blind leading the blind(er).”
A lot of the popular “top pick-up (or dating or lifestyle) instructors” are the guys who spend the most money on advertising. It has little to do with actual skill and results. As you have pointed out, a favored advertising technique of many in the “seduction (or dating, etc) community” is SPAMMING your inbox with over-promotional, hype-ridden, and grossly exaggerated claims of a “magic pill” to cure all of your dating and lifestyle woes.
Completely change the way you dress in order to look like an over-accessorized club guy, and you will magically get attractive women to approach you? Run a “magical” routine stack and seduce a woman in 15 minutes? The sad part is that there is a market of dejected men who buy into this, sometimes at a cost of thousands – or even tens of thousands – of dollars. For what it’s worth, I was one of them!
In addition, a quick glance at the overwhelming majority of “gurus” in the seduction/dating community reveal that they are primarily men in their early- to mid-twenties, with no real prospects other than teaching guys how to get (or try to get) a quick lay. The reality is that the majority (not all) of these “gurus” grossly misrepresent the “success” they have had in life, whether in dating/relationships, business, or fitness. I guess that’s all part of their marketing strategy, though.
I saw a recent post from a 23 year old “pick up guru” bragging about how he has 6% body fat and how his online business nets him $100,000 per month, while he jet-sets around the world banging 10 super models each month. This isn’t reality (at best, it’s a strongly exaggerated version of reality), but it grabs a lot more attention than seeing the story of a guy who has worked hard to develop solid social skills over a longer period of time and has a few solid relationships with quality women.
The reality is that there is absolutely no control and verification of the content that a lot of these “gurus” promote. At the end of the day, the average success rate (i.e., percentage of guys who end up attaining the “as promised” results) of many of these expensive bootcamps is less than 1%. I consider myself in the 1% group, but it was thanks in large part to my own level of commitment and the people I have as friends and wingmen, not directly attributable to any bootcamp or “private training.”
Obviously, the level of commitment required to get really good with women (and business and fitness) is extremely high; but the fact that there is such a low success rate with these “expert” bootcamps indicates that something they are doing is fundamentally flawed.
Guys should save their time and money, and focus on building the core social skills that you outlined in this post. Unfortunately, those skills are usually developed and refined over time. It’s not the appealing “quick fix” that the “gurus” promise.