September 28, 2009

Online dating trends...

Finding passion online is now culturally acceptable.  Some interesting numbers from the world of online dating:

  • According to Hitwise, there are about 1,400 online dating sites in North America.
  • Roughly 40 million American singles use online dating and social networking sites to meet new people.
  • It is predicted that Americans will spend $1.7 billion on dating services in 2013.
  • Singles who are more likely to use dating sites are ones who are more sociable and have high self-esteem. They also put more value in romantic relationships.
  • 49% of Americans know of someone who has found a date online. 28% know more than one person.
  • According to Nielsen, online dating sites generating 27.5 million unique visitors in June, 2009.

According to the U.S. Census there are now 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S.
  • 47% are men and 53% are women.
  • 61% have never been married, 24% have beeen divorced at least once and, 15% are widowed.
  • 15.8 million are seniors (65+).
  • 11.6 million are single parents living with children. 9.8 million of these parents are women.

After my divorce, my married social circle dissipated.  I had to start from square one.  Wives didn’t want their married husbands hanging out with me.  With no singe male friends capable of being wings and not knowing where to turn; I started online dating to meet women.  I also grew my social circle through these women I met online.

After I became confident through many "meet and greets" my skills improved and I discovered through trial and error how to approach women in public venues.  About the same time, I found single male friends who were great with women.  We interacted with even more women.  We did this without routines and we did it with routines.  What is the common denominator for me?

 Social skills.

Part of being social is understanding someone's motivation for being in a particular place at a particular time.  Why is this woman here tonight?  What's her agenda? 

The same applies to women on dating websites. Why is she there?

 In my experience here's are some of the reason women use dating and social networking online:

  • she is tired of trying to meet guys in bars and clubs
  • it's a safe way for her to flirt
  • she finds that attractive men don't approach her in public
  • she wants validation after a failed relationship 
  • she doesn't want to bring her personal life into her workplace (dating a co-worker, vendor, colleague)
  • she doesn't belong to many social groups (clubs, hobbies, church)
  • her friends are in relationships and she is tired of being the single one
  • she is recently divorced/separated and has been out of the dating scene

In addition, most of these women expect a man to play the traditional dating role.  The hot ones are pursued by many men online.  Make sure you flip the script.  As more and more men use online dating it is important that guys embrace a non-chasing approach.  (Click here for: I kissed dating goodbye)

Despite what the snake-oil salesman say, a woman determines if she is attracted to you in the first 90 seconds.  Talk normal and avoid the canned pickup routines and lines.

A couple keys to success...
  • Not too much AND not too little info on your profile... fun, confident, and a little mystery.
  • Stop pouring over every detail of her profile, it's all about her attraction to your photos.
  • You will have to broadcast a "personable" generic message to many -  to find the ones attracted to you.

If you have not conquered your anxiety of talking to new people in public, spend a little less time on the computer and go be social with your friends.  Ultimately, your ability to converse with a women face-to-face will serve you well when you have to meet her in person.



  1. Behind closed doors I can flirt and communicate, no problem, but in the real world I become too shy to do those things. I can have great conversations about most any topic once someone else brings it up, but have difficulty starting a conversation. The internet has helped somewhat. I don't pretend to be something I'm not, but at the same time I am relaxed enough to share who I am. So now my social skills with guys I'm attracted are on the front page of my to do list.

  2. Competition between men in online dating is very high. But be honest. Don't boast. Get high rank status by being yourself. Most women notices compassionate and honest men. Avoid trial and error by writing down "super" qualities in your profile. It might get to be a "too good to be true" personality that most women might doubt about them.


I like the robust exchange of ideas. Mature, relevant comments will be kept regardless of viewpoint.