I am the prize

I am smart.
I create wealth.
I am strong and fast.
I lead, hunt, and protect.
I can be by myself and happy.
I am not ruled by my emotions.


It's my frame... welcome to it.


You’re hot. So what?

I'm the prize.

RHM

The value of friends

I sought my soul,
but my soul I could not see.

I sought my God,
but my God eluded me.

I sought my brother,
and I found all three.

-Anonymous



RHM

Power struggle: Frame vs. Attraction

I get a phone call from a woman I’ve known for six months. I find her very attractive based on looks, creativity, and poise. Will I come meet her before she moves to another state? Sure… I’ll be there in 30 minutes after I finish my beer and wings. I am thinking “game on.” I turned her down last week, she really wants me now.

Over drinks with her and a female friend, she explains that she is moving to another state to be with the man she loves. What? When did this happen? She never mentioned a boyfriend! Arghhh… I look like a lap dog. Shame on me… I know better.


You have read this bumper sticker: “No matter how hot she is… somewhere, some guy is sick of her shit.”

That funny phrase rings true to many of us. But isn’t that an awful negative view of women? Negative… maybe. Realistic… definitely.

One of the problems men face while trying to maintain a dominant frame with women happens during the early stages of the encounter and the relationship. It goes something like this:

Boy sees hot girl.
All boy sees is hot girl.

Now his dominant male frame is all messed up. Her hotness is anchored in some power factor she has over him. Pretty face, nice body, personality, character, social network, wealth, fame, job status… whatever it is that flips his switch with this woman. His head is in the clouds, he must have THIS woman.

He gives up the power of his frame as displayed in the following actions:

Showing too much interest while she is present
Only focusing his efforts on her
Buying her drinks
Thinking about her too much
Taking her on “dates”
Answering the phone when she calls
Being available when she wants him
Tolerating her poor behavior


Women call this ‘romance.” I call it Chodeness. Chumpnicity. Suckerism.


If by some magic pill, we could see her foibles, insecurities, and bad habits instead of how she rates on a scale of 1 to 10; we would act much more indifferent. Indifference lends itself to a strong frame with women.

When the attraction is one-sided, it is NOT going to work out. Period. You have to know that she is vested in this encounter or relationship equally or more than you. Whoever can walk away more readily has the power.


Do you have the power of frame?


RHM

Let's play house!

Here’s the latest confirmation…

So I am out last night at a social happy hour geared toward professionals at an upscale location. I strike up a conversation with a group of five women, all of whom happen to be married. It's interesting that women who have been married more than a few years seem quite eager to converse with men other than their husbands. They were all attractive, in shape, and nicely dressed.

One pretty blonde in particular, with a warm personality and cute figure, took an interest in my conversation. She was explaining with great admiration how wonderful and interesting her husband happens to be. He's funny, he dances well, and they are soooo happy.

I decided to go for the jugular and find out about this great marriage.


RHM: How many times a week do you have sex?

Her: Ummm, well, let’s see… we TRY weekly.

RHM: Once a week!

Her friend: Hey, they DO have small children.

Her: Yeah, it’s just tough sometimes. We're working on it.

RHM: This is why I only date latinas. Sometimes, once a day is not enough for them. There's no way I would ever go back a situation like yours.


Yeah, that pretty much left them speechless. How does a gringa top that?


This is an attractive, middle to upper class wife with great social skills. See how sex is just not that important to her? This is a woman who genuinely seems to think her husband is a great guy! Can you imagine if she was pissed at him?

If you are married, you already identify with what I am saying. I feel your pain. Sorry, bro. It's tough to think that you will probably become an infidelity statistic.

But, if you are a young man and think that it would be fun to “settle down” and "play house"... it's not a game.

You can’t say you weren’t warned.


RHM

Are you attractive?

A wise business philosopher, Jim Rohn once said, “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.”

Part of that success is p-e-o-p-l-e. I want to attract "good people" into my life.


What kind of people do you attract?

How does one become MORE attractive?


How many books have you read in the last month?
Do you take time to think about your existence and the meaning of your life?
When is the last time you learned a new skill?
How much time do you spend pursuing your hobbies?
What about that instrument you’ve always wanted to play?
When is the last time you did something for the very first time?
How many friends did you make and keep last year?
How have you been working on your health?
How often do you do creative, cool things for other people?
When is the last time you traveled to a brand new destination?


Picture yourself sitting at a table with other people, stripped away of your clothes, cars, house, money… armed only with your thoughts, questions, ideas, stories and vocabulary:

are you attractive?


RHM

Things to tell your Dad

Father’s Day

Call your Dad on Sunday or go see him, there’s a few things you could tell him:

Thank him for putting up with you during the teenage years
Thank him for letting you live at home entirely too long
Thank him for putting food on the table when you were a kid
Thank him for being a good example (I didn’t say perfect)
Thank him for not killing you when you fought with your siblings
Thank him for going to see your ball games when you were in school
Thank him for all the good advice you should have heeded
Thank him for letting you borrow the car when you had none
Thank him for teaching you how to drive
Thank him for tolerating your friends when they stayed over
Thank him for taking you on vacations as a kid


He loves you more than he could ever express to you.
He loves you more than you could ever know.


RHM

Travel outside your comfort zone...

If your picture of the human existence only comes from America, you need to see the world live and in-person. Here's some benefits of seeing the third world:


You will more greatly appreciate our level of prosperity in America
You will be thankful for American infrastructures
You will be challenged to learn another language
You will see that machismo is expected of men
You will see how well women can treat men
You will eat great food
You will see abject poverty
You will see some of the happiest people living simple lives
You will see smiling children who have never played a video game
You will reconsider your personal quest for material possessions
You will see that family/friends, a simple meal, plus some music equals a great party


RHM

Marriage: the cure for loneliness?

Do men really fear growing old and being alone? Is marriage the cure for loneliness?

I have been in a long term marriage.
I have been devout.
I have children / I am an active father.
I have gone through a divorce.
I have made lots of money (and lost lots of money).
I've spent money on houses, cars, vacations.

I have been ______ (aren't many left except gay, leaving that for someone else)...


Here's what I found: ________ will not fulfill you. Pick one, any one.


Being lonely is just a sign of not knowing what you want in life. Marriage does not solve the loneliness problem. Plenty of successful, strong men are trapped in lonely marriages with the wrong woman or with the right woman who changed over the years.


This next point is critical:

Once married, you cede partial control of YOUR life over to a woman who gains legal/financial privileges and immense emotional leverage in your life. You had better be a strong man. I have met very few men strong enough to make it work with the typical American raised woman.


Go back and re-read that last point.



Who can guarantee that she will stay the sweet, caring woman that wanted to live happily-ever-after with you? Who can? That's right... no one can make that guarantee. And you don't get your time or money back.


I think the wisest thing I've heard about divorce came from a christian pastor who said this (referring to a well-used scriptural reference): "You know why God hates divorce? Because it hurts us so bad." Most people who have gone through a divorce agree.


Marry only if you want children. Raising children is an intense, financially demanding, physically/emotionally exhausting, and time (hours AND years) consuming commitment. It takes a strong man to do a good job. It takes the right woman to do a good job. If you get divorced, she thinks the kids are hers except when it comes to financial matters, then they are "our" kids.

If you do a good job with your kids, your chances of being old and alone are greatly reduced. You will probably be surrounded by family and grandchildren.


Do not get married until you have traveled extensively outside the United States. It will open your eyes and give you a better perspective. If you've never seen with your own eyes how women treat American men in other countries, you have no clue.















If you want to marry and have kids, find a beautiful latin american or asian woman (who grew to adulthood in her home country) with strong family values and relationships.


RHM

Latinas… the coming tsunami for gringas

Hallelujah!!!

Dominicanas, Boriquenas, Mexicanas, Brasileras, Venezolanas, Argentinas, . Chilenas, Ecuadorans, Ticas, Nicas, Panamanians, Colombianas, Peruanas, and more are... coming to America. Thery’re even being born here. But let’s hope that they keep the culture and don’t get gringa-sized.

If you've ever had one or more (grinning) of these women, you know what I am talking about. If you've ever traveled to these countries, you know what I am talking about. If you only like white bread, you have no idea what you are missing.


Gringa characteristics: loves material possessions, chooses economic gain over family, tolerates motherhood, chooses feminism over femininity, wants your job, can't dance.

Latina characteristics: loves her family, loves her man, loves her children, embraces her sexuality in dress, manner, and dance.

It's best to find one who was born and raised TO ADULTHOOD in the home country.


You will not realize the depth of what I am saying until you have been in a relationship with a Latina.

RHM

Bad Idea #63: Dinner Dates

Why the dinner date is such a bad idea:

It sets the stage of you as her provider
Do it once and you will be expected to do it again
You cannot jump her bones in a restaurant
Eating out is, generally, a waste of your money
You can eat healthier at home
You will over-eat at the restaurant
It lacks so much creativity and portrays you as the average chump
If she doesn’t “put out” later, you blew a wad of cash

Get the idea? Do I really need to go on?

1) Always tell your date that you are eating your (healthy) dinner before going out.
2) Plan the time of your date before or after dinner hours. Later is better.

Better yet, find a woman who will cook for you...















RHM

Dating Expectations

In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner as Crash Davis tells the leading lady what he believes in:

“Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”



As a man, what do you believe?

What do you believe your relationships should look like?

Will you let advertising, television, movies, and novels set the tone for her expectations? If so, you will be treating her to dinner and movie, dinner and a show, dinner and a concert, dinner and dancing…

You might kiss her on the second date.
You might have sex AFTER a few weeks of proving you won’t love ‘em and leave ‘em.
Dates, flowers, gifts, jewelry… are the expectations.
You are the social director (and you had better be damn good at it.)
Yes, all these things are inculcated into a woman’s brain as standard-operating-procedure for romance and dating.

Attention men: you have permission to behave differently.

Are these your expectations?

Kiss, hug, and touch her on the first date.
Three dates and no sex… NEXT.
Ask her what she’s cooking you for dinner… at her place.
Don’t call her everyday.
Gifts… a small one maybe on her birthday, but after you have known her awhile.
Watch a movie at her house or yours with some wine and sex.
She should be willing to have sex whenever you want sex.
Trips… ummm. Never take sand to the beach.

She needs to demonstrate that she is worthy of your time and energy. Tell her this, “I trust my mother, all other women have to prove themselves.”

You are the man… leader, hunter, and protector. She has to be worthy of the character and strength you have developed over the years. You have been shot down by women, you have busted your ass for the boss, and you have overcome challenges in school and the marketplace to become who you are today. She’s lucky that you have chosen to spend time with her.

I have explained this frame to women and they laugh and say, “well, you will be a lonely guy.” Not so, not by a long shot. They say this because they only have words as weapons. They want you to be strong but they do not want to give up the power we have ceded to them.


Change the frame. If you are in a relationship, it is going to be difficult to correct course. It’s like a ship that goes off course by the slightest degree. With each passing day the ship is farther and farther from the correct direction.

You may have to start over. With a new woman.

Yes, for real, with a different woman.

RHM